Dinner For One

Discussion in 'Films, TV, Music, Books, Etc.' started by Gunner37, Oct 4, 2012.

  1. WickedLiquid

    WickedLiquid Regular

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    I didn't click this thread thinking it was another topic on cooking.

    Since everyone said what I would say I'll just add that I'm also sorry to hear what happened. Damn women really know how to screw us up huh? Well try to make the most out of your birthday and go to the strip club incase Sightless can't make it.

    JK Sightless, I'm trying to cheer him up.
     
    #21
  2. intoTheRain

    intoTheRain Regular

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    thats it man let all that psychobabble out. i'll be sure to read this book later!
     
    #22
  3. Optimus-Crime

    Optimus-Crime Rookie

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    You're the Mitt Romney of discussions, Rain. As said, your advice? full of shit. Not you, just your advice. Is that tangible enough for you to grasp?

    Doll out your ABCs, 123s on dating because ..... -- I've no clue.
     
    #23
  4. intoTheRain

    intoTheRain Regular

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    a psycho babble sequel, so soon? seems rushed. will bookmark and read this one later too.
     
    #24
  5. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    Yeah, all I'm getting out of this is someone needs a hug.
     
    #25
  6. Optimus-Crime

    Optimus-Crime Rookie

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    dole* out

    someone should upload a FAQ on breakups next time. Save everyone some time. right?
     
    #26
  7. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    Well, not everyone is you, Optichris.
     
    #27
  8. Optimus-Crime

    Optimus-Crime Rookie

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    :cry:


    I'll try to play by the rules that are in place. I can literally feel myself dying by doing so, but okay.


    Hey, Gunner. Sorry your relationship ended around your birthday. That sucks. You should go out with your best bros and definitely talk to other chicks. Post pics of yourself on Facebook with these new girls and whatever you do, don't talk to your ex even though you said you were close to proposing to her--argh! had to catch myself. Almost gave thought to the situation.

    where was i...

    dude, just go out and get plastered, smash some chicks immediately and all of your problems are solved....--argh, I can taste my own sarcasm, and it tastes like shit!

    Alright, you know what? Fuck that.

    Look, Gunner. I can't give you advice on what to do. If you were close to proposing to this woman, maybe giving her up cold turkey isn't the best thing to do after all. Sure, you CAN follow the Break-Up Advice guide verbatim but you obviously have deeper feelings for this woman, more so than any of us can immediately relate to if you were thinking of popping the question soon, so you should do what's best for you and not what's best for your bros or your online reputation or your ego. If you Feel you need to pour your heart out to this woman Do it. Who are you letting down by doing so? US? Screw us!

    Do it if you think it'll work. Don't let your foolish pride or any of us get in the way. You don't know what tomorrow can bring for her. SO maybe, yeah, she found another guy, but who's to say that's gonna last? If you lover her still, tell her. Let her know that you'll be there whenever.

    To me, when she says she wants to be friends, that means she's not 100% sure on this new guy anyway. And you don't have to put all of your eggs in one basket, either. Date, sure. But, if you're talking about marriage, and you are, then she's worth fighting for. Don't let our "advice" get in the way of that. That's all I meant from the start, because I think it's horrible advice to follow someone else's advice on love. I don't know how you feel about her except that you said you were thinking about proposing. The only advice I can give is to do what you think is best. Anything else any of us have to say is pointless because we don't know how deeply you feel for her. Or not. We don't know. Who are we to say what you should do...

    Some things, some people in life are worth fighting for, and you shouldn't feel ashamed by that.
     
    #28
  9. Bretimus_v2

    Bretimus_v2 So tired.

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    Hey, Gunner. The important thing of note is that everyone has felt hurt at some time. Seriously. Lots of people. And they continue on. It's gonna hurt and it'll take time, the important thing is that you don't shut yourself off to life. My wife got left a month before she was going to married...and then she met/settled for ME! ;)

    Moral of the story, I know you'll come through this experience a better person, whether that means without or with her.

    That being said, if you can't handle being just friends...I, personally, would suggest not being just friends.
     
    #29
  10. NickKmet

    NickKmet Regular

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    Gunner, sorry to hear it man. I myself was a breakup victim some months ago. We're here for you buddy. It's tough, but you'll make it through just fine.
     
    #30
  11. Daddio

    Daddio Regular

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    I'm 7 months in on my separation. It's heading for divorce and it's been quite the journey that's for sure.

    You will get tons of 'speculation' advice and truth be told some of it will be true, others not so much.

    Typically the ILYBNILWY (I Love You But Not In Love With You) is usually what they say when they have met someone else. There are variants on the wording, but it all means the same deal.

    I've been in a divorce group for the last 6 months and you'd be rather surprised how generic human nature is.

    As bad as it sounds, be happy she did this only a year and a half in. It would be a lot harder down the road with more invested in the relationship (house, children, etc).

    Also take this as a red flag, take the time to re-evaluate your relationship.

    It's been already said here as well, do not try to win her back.

    Move on.

    Even if she does reappear in a few months, she's already proven that when things get bad (to her, she's been emotionally detached from you for a while) she turns around and walks away.

    If you have been feeling things like "how will I live without her?" you may have co-dependency problems and I suggest you look into it.

    No one should ever feel like life alone is the worst thing in the world.

    Loving yourself and respecting yourself first and foremost will attract the same sort of people.

    Those people will respect you in return.

    Neediness attracts neediness and that's the road for repetitive break ups and heartache.

    Really, it's all under your control and that's the only thing you can control. Yourself.

    Oh, and I highly recommend doing what they call a "180".

    Do not contact her, do not be friends.

    Become indifferent. Detached.

    Start doing things you thought you never would want to do.

    This is the best time to get yourself out of "your element".
     
    #31
  12. cyberjim2000

    cyberjim2000 Veteran

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    I'm not going to give you advice. Also, I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't to follow any advice. You do what you think is right.

    However, if you need to vent then we're here to listen. If you need a punching bag... well... not in the face, that's how I make my money.
     
    #32
  13. Bretimus_v2

    Bretimus_v2 So tired.

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    That's also how the elephant man made his money...
     
    #33
  14. Gunner37

    Gunner37 Rookie

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    So I talked to her again today to clear things out saying I would have proposed and all that when she stopped me saying she was cheating on me from about a month ago until now go me right???

    So now I am officially not talking to her for awhile/ever and drinking with the buddies to dull the pain of betrayal woohoo!!
     
    #34
  15. Optimus-Crime

    Optimus-Crime Rookie

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    After an important break up like this one, rock bottom is where you wanted to be. There's no lingering thoughts of maybe this or what if I did that at rock bottom. Now you know, and the hardest process of your young life can begin.
    It's easier from here on out. Dating I mean. Actually breaking up, I should clarify. It's a hell of a way to gain on the job training, heh, but it works. You're not so invincible anymore, but you never really were. But the good thing is you'll become a lot more invulnerable--to the pain and ache, and overwhelming shock of it all--as crass as that may sound.

    Bottom line, you gave yourself the closure you needed. Being forthcoming about your planned intentions wasn't for her, you needed that for you. Which is good. You cleared the air and did all you could do, and she let you know how she felt. And while it sucks how she felt, you'll be happy you got that closure days, weeks, months from now because it means no more what ifs.
     
    #35
  16. WickedLiquid

    WickedLiquid Regular

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    Sounds good, just be careful on the drinking, espeically when you're vunerable. I was cheated on last December, it was hell and threw me into a downward spiral of depression. A broken heart, espeically when you've been cheated on, is a terrible experience. The only feeling worse is the death of a close friend/family. But I moved on, I got over it, and I even found someone else.

    I'm always hoping Karma will bite my ex in the ass and her bf will do to her what she did to me. As far as I know that hasn't happened and they're still together but I'm ok with that. Of course, try telling me I'll be ok with this in December and I'd think you were fucking nuts.

    Time heals all wounds, as cliche as it sounds it's true. And in the end you'll learn a lot more about yourself that will help you out in the future.
     
    #36
  17. intoTheRain

    intoTheRain Regular

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    hey who knew right, every woman is different, i just got lucky in my assumption. listen to chris, he knows whats up.

    anyway, all sarcasm aside. good luck dude, be glad you're not stuck with her anymore and are free to move on and find someone better. it'll all work out for the best in the end.


    my ex was cheating on me for months before she broke up with me. she was at another school, i was at fanshawe, she was in sarnia at lambton. we even broke up and got back together while she was dating this guy and i had no idea lol.

    she called me about 1-2 years later crying because she just caught this guy red handed in bed with another girl. not gonna lie kinda felt good.

    but i was nice, gave her advice. told her once a cheater always a cheater, move on. she's like "well he feels terrible hes crying etc." blah blah blah. i said yea he feels terrible he got caught, he'll try harder not to next time.

    his entire job is travelling, he's gone for months at a time. she's still with him, they live together, shes pregnant. wondering how long till he gets caught again.
     
    #37
  18. intoTheRain

    intoTheRain Regular

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    btw gunner, just out of curiosity. were there no signs at all this was coming on? i'm always curious. nothing you were ignoring?

    normally when a girl has a new guy on the side they'll get distant, stop saying i love you, stop being intimate, wearing makeup and nice clothes more when they go out more than they used to, etc.

    now i know all women aren't the same and it's impossible to read them! don't want chris coming in here foaming at the mouth ranting incoherently.

    but yea.. no signs like this at all? was everything honestly perfect until the bomb dropped?
     
    #38
  19. Gunner37

    Gunner37 Rookie

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    Well she did start going buying more clothes and dressing up a lot more and "going out with friends" more often than not. But most of the time I was with her when she went out it was just a few times a month I didn't go with her

    She still said she loved me and we were still being intimate and stuff we did fight a little more but who doesnt but it did feel like it came out of left field
     
    #39
  20. Optimus-Crime

    Optimus-Crime Rookie

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    It wasn't about you or I, into, it's about Gunner and his proposal, and you never stopped to give that a moment's thought.
    Our good intentions and "great advice" should always take a backseat to the actual situation, and advice should remain just that--advice--but not something you should turn into a plan of action.

    This whole Breakup 101 thing is on a downward trend. Following any advice online is amateurish at best. You're giving women too little credit by doing so.

    But whatevs, this being a video game message board and all the sort of advice given here is hardly uncommon and more likely par for the course.
     
    #40

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