bi****s go crazy when you make their brown frown

Discussion in 'Films, TV, Music, Books, Etc.' started by Icepick, Jun 25, 2013.

  1. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    So, I met this party skank, I used to work with her at my old office job (the guy we fed exlax to) and we were civil but there was no interest there. A few months later at this party, she's climbing all over me, following me around like a lost drunken puppy. Thunderbird go right? I'm getting my dick wet for sure. Negative, she pulls back last second to say she wants to wait so it'll be special, and that it would betray her "virtues" that she lives by

    Bitch led me on for 2 hours, was all over me, keep in mind I made no move and this was all initiated by her. A little annoyed but I go home and fire one out and forget about it. Next morning I have 12 texts from her, I never gave her my number which should have been my first clue that she was cray in the vajay, but we agree to meet for dinner. She's back in full form, and sending clear signals. Bitch literally reaches in and grabs my junk on the walk back to her place. She strips me down, and just as I pull open the condom the bitch stops and says we need to just cuddle and not rush things. What things? I came over to get my rocks off. Even more annoyed, I zip up, am forced to watch some shitty horror movie and I walk home with a set of blue balls.

    She calls me in the middle of my sleep, just to tell me she's happy she's "finally found someone like me who doesn't want to rush things." What the fuck did I get involved with? She's bought me a tooth brush and some cologne for when I start staying the night. Before I can protest, she decides to mention she's moving to Alberta in a month and a half, and that "we" need to find a place and I should start applying to jobs out there. Cuntscab wont let me get a word in, so fine, I'll talk to her in person on the date she set up without my knowledge.

    So I meet her at her place and instead of taking her to the movies I tell her we should talk about whats going on. I start to tell her I'm not going to move across the country, especially for an ass I haven't test ridden. Bitch literally drops down and starts blowing my wedding vegetables, no words, no forplay, just starts going at it mid sentence. Shut me up, and home I go happy, until she calls shortly after. She tells me she loves me, and knows I love her because of the activities we shared. I tell her otherwise and she loses her shit, She threatens to cut off my balls, that she hates me, that I'm a snake, an asshole, a user ect ect.

    The next day is filled with messages from my former coworkers about how I ruined this sweet girl, she's spun a real tale to make me an asshole (which in all honesty isn't that hard to do). Meh, I was never concerned about how people view me. A few more days go by before she messages me apologizing, that she doesn't want to leave with things how they are between us. She wants me to come over and she'll put out. She also tosses me some other details, how she likes to be choked, how she wants it in the ass, how she wants to dress up like a school girl, but denies spewing shit about me at my former place of employment. Fuck you bitch, you do not ask me for rough sex unless you want it

    I get there, she's gone full tilt, wine, candles, she's dressed up real slutty. A few drinks and we get to business, I'm not into choking a bitch, but hey if she wants it she can have it. Halfway through I flip her over for the back door beating. I'm no Rocco but I'm a fair size, so cramming it in sans lube was not a pleasurable experience for one of us. Teach that bitch to fucking slander my name. I'll give her credit, between the screams of "ow ow ow" she tells me she'll take it like this every night when we're in Alberta. Well that does it for me, I pull out, spread my baby batter all over her hair, and while she's screaming I wipe my dick off on her white duvet, suit up and stroll out to the chorus of insults and expletives

    All is quiet until a couple of days later when I receive another volley of texts

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    after that she puts "worst experience ever"

    So now she's threatening to go to the cops over abuse, but I have all the texts saved where she's begging for it rough and wants to be choked so I'm pretty sure I'm covered

    Has GR had any over the top psycho cunts in their life? Share them stories and place bets on how my impending legal issues will go!
     
    #1
  2. Green_Lantern

    Green_Lantern Forum Moderator
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    [​IMG]

    I don't know how, but you've convinced me to find every single clapping gif I can.
     
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  3. cyberjim2000

    cyberjim2000 Veteran

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    Did you replied with, "lol"? Please tell me you replied with "lol".

    [​IMG]
     
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  4. Gunner37

    Gunner37 Rookie

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    Icepick and his tales of debauchery always bring a smile to my face
     
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  5. UghRochester

    UghRochester https://www.twitch.tv/ughrochester

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  6. Sourdeez

    Sourdeez Rookie

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    Never stick your dick in crazy, and always keep documentation. You did a great job keeping the txts.

    I wouldn't have even given her the second chance after she gave you blueballs. Then she threatened to cut your balls off and then invites you back? No way would I go back to a girl who clearly is psychotic.

    Good story though.
     
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  7. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    I'd like to see the look on the judge's face if this story goes to court.
     
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  8. Longo_2_guns

    Longo_2_guns Forum Moderator
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    Her name is Crystal. That's a stripper name, man. Stay away from stripper names.

    That's what my dad told me when I brought home Destiny and Bubbles.
     
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  9. UrbanMasque

    UrbanMasque Everyone Wears a Mask

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    [​IMG]
    I laughed all the way through this btw. This story reminds me of the efukt clip of the asain chick being choked while getting pounded in the bum bum. She passes out and wakes up half way through it. Internet Classic. Oh, yea btw.. you're fucked man. IF She cries rape, you're done for. Lastly, please post a picture of her. PLEASE. Cray cray is hot, if she looks ok. Given this story, I might, consider moving in with her if she pays for most of my shit. Seriously, crazy butt secs whenever you want it, and what else do you have going on?


    My psycho story is subtle, kinda disturbing IMO, and nowhere near as long.

    I used to bang this girl in high-school who had "issues". No one knew about them, but something wasn't quite right about her. She lived near school and I had to take the bus home, so sometimes she would invite people over to her apt after class or to cut - or rather people would invite themselves. [her mom never got home until around 10-11pm and there as ALWAYS booze in the house - hard shit], so i guess she was lonely. I wasn't "friends" with her, but I was the closest thing she had to a friend since people would just use her for her place. I wound up being a de facto bouncer a lot of times b/c she was really meek and the neighbors watched us all pile in and out of the apt on several occasions.

    She's gotten a lot more attractive since then, less acne, and appears to be more outgoing [FB friends], but she is still a 7 on her best day. At least she was fit.

    Anyways, we're over there alone and we explore each other. It starts with some playful touching, then rubbing, and eventually humping. Soon, she goes down on me, at which point I realize 'Shes obviously done this before', but... with who?! I don't recall hearing stories about her in school, and shit like that travels well. 1st flag. After the first encounter I leave, and we continue this behavior for a few weeks. The following days in school I can't shake her - the worst part about it is no one else picks up on it but me, and I don't want to tell people about us cuz that would destroy any status I have with the cream of the crop ladies (at least in my head). My buddies assumed, but I always laughed it off. theyreontome.jpg. The worst part about her following was she BARELY SPOKE ABOUT ANYTHING. She just wanted to hang out with me i guess. Back at her place after school [like 3 times a week now] We would get down to it a few times more and while we were banging the look in her eyes was empty. She was enjoying it, i guess, but not emoting, and just did what I told her with no kind of input on her end - typical stuff, "bend over, get on your knees, lay this way, do this, do that". Kinda hot, kinda disturbing. Dead inside almost. Don't want to get into detail but I def took advantage of the situation. In hindsight, its one of those things I look back on and wonder what was going on with her, but what dude cares enough to ask. To my defense, I never saw her get emotional, she never implied we shouldn't continue, and we were doing shit I saw in pornos. Life was great!

    This continued to the end of the school year, at which point we didn't continue and the following year I went to boarding school. I want to find out if shes ok, but she seems well adjusted and Im not sure if messaging her will do more harm than good to her psyche.

    We're fb friends, but i dont contact her since I think it would be awkward. But every now and then I fap to her memory. I shrugged it off at the time.. but man, do I have a lot to atone for.


    ...since we're sharing..
     
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  10. MattAY

    MattAY Forum Moderator
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    "You are kinda souless"

    Hey man, you clearly didn't do enough!

    That is fantastic. clapping.gif
     
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  11. C_nate

    C_nate Rookie

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    I dated a crazy girl once. Very briefly though since once I find out a girl is crazy I bail quickly Without A Trace style and don't stick around for the sex so I don't come home to find the family pet rabbit boiling in a pot on the stove. So my story will be much more boring than yours.

    Kinky sex is great until the crazy ass you are having it with stabs you a dozen times, shoots you in the face, and slits your throat for good measure while you were taking a shower.

    Anyway, Many Years Ago when I was taking a night math class at the community college... I was sitting there struggling to stay awake when this girl must've noticed me nodding off when she nudged me and asked me if I wanted to get out of there with her and go somewhere.

    Well shit, I thought that was a terrific idea. We both got up right in the middle of the teachers boring ass lecture and walked out. We drove to some park, sat down, and started chatting. Next thing I know we are making out and feelin each other up.

    So far so good.

    On our second date, which was again in another park (she liked parks, which to me was another plus. Cheap dates.) We went through the same routine. Some chatting that lead to makin out and heavy petting. This time we got underneath some clothes. Now we're getting somewhere i thought. So after we take a little break we start talking again and as we were discussing our youth she decided to tell me that when she was younger she went through some rough years and that she used to cut herself and at one point had mutilated herself by carving her name on her stomach. Now all the red flags were going off in my mind but I kept a concerned and understanding look on my face as I nodded thoughtfully. Ok, I thought. That was in her past so maybe that's all out of the way.

    On only our third date after our usual routine, she tells me she knew I was a good guy from the start because I had a good aura around me. I laughed and said, "Oh, like you mean you got a good vibe from me?" Then she tells me, "No, I can see auras around people and living things You had a warm aura around you so I knew you were nice."
    "God damn it." That was very first thing that went through my mind. I played along for the rest of the evening and went home.

    After that I never spoke to or saw her again. I never went back to that math class. I never called her, never answered her calls, never went anywhere near the places we hung out. I dropped off the face of the earth and disappeared from her life.

    The End.

    As for you, I'd probably want to have a lawyer on hand just in case. If she goes to the cops it might be bad even with the texts you saved. Rough sex is one thing, so rough that is pops a blood vessel in her eye and leaves a bruise on her throat is another. She could say you took it too far and assaulted her. They have safe words for a reason!
     
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  12. UghRochester

    UghRochester https://www.twitch.tv/ughrochester

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    I can't really say I dated a crazy girl, but long story short. I had a stalker, because of my YouTube videos.
     
    #12
  13. Master_Craig

    Master_Craig Forum Moderator
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    That's insane. But hilarious.

    I think you'll be fine, Icepick. You have those saved text messages as evidence if she ever did try anything against you. In all honesty, I doubt she will try anything. I think you'll be right.

    I've got one good crazy story, but it's not as good as yours Icepick. Regardless, it shall be told...

    So back in 2010 I went down south to another city for a week to compete an Australia wide university sporting competition. I competed in Judo. Surprisingly I actually won my weight division and got a gold medal, two gold medals technically as I received a sort of "best and fairest" award too. Anyway, despite winning I got the absolute shit kicked out of me. I suffered a concussion (got dropped on my face twice), bled from the mouth, got a few nice small cuts on my face and my right ribs and hip were really bruised up.

    Anyway... despite the thousands of student sports competitors, not many of them take it that seriously. I for one only took it seriously for one day, then after it was all good. It's literally a gigantic party all week long, except during the morning and day when the students play sport. For me I only had to do Judo on the one day, then the rest of the week I was free to do whatever I wanted. My friends though all had to play sports during the week, but partied regardless at night.

    So that night after my Judo comp, I went out with my friends to one of the nightclubs. I was so sore, was almost limping and I had a massive headache. I tried to drink one beer but I couldn't even get through a quarter of it. As soon as I took a few sips, my head was spinning and I felt really groggy. All night, one of the girls on our university team (who I had never met before) was trying to talk to me. She kept putting her arms around me and when she'd talk, she'd put her mouth right on my ear. It was such a gross feeling. To be honest, I didn't find her attractive at all and to top it all off, she smelled really bad.

    So one of my friends nearly gets into a fight and we all end up bailing back home to the hotel. As soon as I got in my room, I dropped on my bed and passed out. I woke up an hour later to someone knocking on my door and I thought it was my room mate (also another Judo guy). I'm pissed off, I get up and I almost fall over. My vision is blurry, my head is spinning and I feel sick. So I answer the door - and it's that girl. She wanted to drop off these stupid sunglasses I was wearing in the club. I said thanks, then she said "Can I come in?" and just walked in.

    I close the door, she sits on my mate's bed (who still isn't back) and I lie down on mine. She starts going on and on about... well stuff I can't remember, then she asks if I'm alright. I tell her I'm sore as hell and just need to rest. She gets up, sits on my bed and starts trying to touch my core. When I freak out, she goes on about how it's okay, she knows what she's doing, has to do it in her job and rah rah. So I let her go. She touches a bit and she is actually making sense, "Your ribs feel very tight here. Did you fall here?" - Yeah I did. A former wrestler slammed me into the ground. "Your face has some swelling, especially around the bridge of your nose." - Well, said former wrestler also introduced my face to the mat floor, twice.

    Then, her touching stops. It's an awkward silence, then she begins to grope, and says quietly,

    "You're such a nice boy."

    This is when I realize I'm in a lot of trouble.

    So she keeps trying to grope away and I'm attempting to stop her. I say "attempting", because I was seriously so... I don't know, WEAKENED. It was like I had no energy or strength! I fought a former wrestler earlier that day, and fighting that guy was EASIER than trying to fight her off! I tried to move her hands away, but she just so easily moved my hands away, kept trying to grope and kept trying to talk about herself and stuff. At one point she disturbingly said "I'm surprised you're still flaccid." EEEEW...

    She then tries to take my singlet off, but I manage to pull her hand down and stop. She asks me "What's wrong, is it the scars?" as I have stretch mark scarring on my stomach from when I used to be overweight. She then says "It's okay, I have them too." and tries to take her top off. I sit up immediately stop her, managing to say "Can you just go?" She looks at me stunned, and I then try to be polite, "Could you please... stop that and just leave?" I ask. She tries to convince me to stay, but I just said no and kept asking her to leave. Eventually she got up and left.

    Despite having absolutely no attraction toward her and despite her terrible body odor, the worst thing about this ordeal is that her boyfriend, who is actually a really cool and nice guy and nowadays a friend of mine, was with us all on that trip, in the next room.

    I still see her around and I can't look at her in the eye or talk to her, unless other people are around.

    I told my boss this story on a night out drinking... he asks me "If she was hot, would you have done it?" - well, the answer is no. If she was hot and -single- then of course I would be a nice boy. :p
     
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  14. Paradox

    Paradox Soaring Phoenix

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    At least you got a couple of Iron Man movies out of it. j/k

    I don't have to much of a crazy story. From one of the three ways I had, one of the chicks started just showing up at my apartment. At all hours. Step out in the morning to get the paper, she's at the bottom of the stairs. Come home from work at midnight, she's sitting on the stairs, waiting, just wanting to say hi. I'm asleep at 4am and I hear light knocking on the door. "Can I come in?"

    Moral of the story, don't just impulsively invite random girls you meet at the laundromat back to your apartment.
     
    #14
  15. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    It's nice to see everyone open their hearts and discuss the nutcases we convinced to open their legs

    As for her going to the cops, she's crazy enough to do it, but there is no noticeable popped blood vessel, at least from what every single one of my former co-workers is telling me, nor are there any bruises, minus a couple of hickies (which I think are trashy but she asked for them) They do however report she now has a slight waddle and takes a few minutes to be able to sit, and even then its noticeable something wrong happened in her anus

    Moral of the story is, my penis always wins
     
    #15
  16. Sourdeez

    Sourdeez Rookie

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    :lol: !!!!
     
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  17. intoTheRain

    intoTheRain Regular

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    im sure this is childs play compared to what most judges have experienced.
     
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  18. Sourdeez

    Sourdeez Rookie

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  19. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    You holding out on us?
     
    #19
  20. UghRochester

    UghRochester https://www.twitch.tv/ughrochester

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    Nah, you're different. I'm talking about a female (actually believe it's male now) who was black and completely obsessed with me. I kept trying to get away from this person, but he/she kept messaging me. I only Skype with this person to see what he/she looked like. It didn't fool me when I clearly saw "Manycam" logo and it kept replaying video deducing it was a GIF. Eventually, I blocked this nutcase, because he/she ended up saying stuff on Facebook that pissed off my cousin. So, she starts fighting with this person. I believe MattAY has seen the chaos too, but not sure. You all can insult this person or whatever. The gamertag is LIquiidNitrogen9. I think it's a male, because I searched the name on Twitter and results showed some guy named Joseph Pham.
     
    #20

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