Step right up singles...

[BlackStar]

LIVE from BlackStar's crummy apartment in fabulous New York City

It's The 3rd Annual Whacky Blacky Dating Machine Thingy

And now here's your host! RICKY GERVAIS

'ello u stupid sodding yanks!

.......Errrrm, maybe I'll just host it, but thanks Ricky.


Welcome guys and... guys. Once again I'm back to hook up lonely singles with the women of their dreams this Valentine's Day. Simply reply in this thread with a request for love and I shall insert your name into our luxurious Whacky Blacky machine!!!

The machine will spit out the perfect date for you! So give it a shot, even if you're married you never know what could've been...


READ THIS NEXT PART, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE ADD

Just one simple rule, you guys can make this overwhelming when I come back and see 20 requests. So ONLY 5 AT A TIME. Once I've done 5 people who've requested a date, you can submit your name for the machine. If you submit it anyways even if there are already 5 waiting then I'll ignore you and think very poorly of you and tell the old lady downstairs who loves gossip what a bad man you are.


So, I guess all that's left to be said is who's lookin for love in all the wrong places?

 

[Kijan]

*raises hand*

I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.

 

[Longo_2_guns]

These are always fun. Sign me the fuck up!

 

[BlackStar]

*inserts kijan*
And here goes our first name, let's see who the machine has selected for you...

A Tuesday Afternoon Stripper

O_O
...oh dear God... censor that shit

Oh man...thanks... some things in life you can't unsee...
Well kijan, looks like your date on Valentine's Day will be Sparkles; a lovely exotic dancer who... *cough*works-the-day-shift*cough* Take her out for a movie at a very dark theater. In fact avoid anywhere that is bright, don't go in a room with her unless the lighting is under 40 watts. Enjoy!!





*inserts Longo 2 Guns*
Alright pal, let's hook you up with the love of your life, your date is...


Sarah Palin

Wow, I'm shocked... I thought you'd get a Japanese girl with a squid fetish but apparently you and Palin are perfect for each other. You both seem to love guns doncha know! So I'd suggest going out to a firing range and letting some bullets fly! Maybe go out hunting and seducing her over some lovely moose meat. Have a good one buddy!

 

[MattAY]

Ooh Me! ME please!

 

[Eyebrowsbv31]

I'm game.

 

[Green_Lantern]

Sign me up

 

[UghRochester]

Go ahead and insert my name. I forget who I went with last time.
EDIT: I will assume just like HK-47

 

[HK-47]

I'll assume this is the next batch as Kijan and Longo already got theirs, so I'm in for this round.

 

[De-Ting]

Whom shall I use my tentacles on?

 

[electricthunder]

I'm in. For the next round of course!

 

[Gunner37]

Well i'm in for the next round since this one is already full

 

[BlackStar]

*shoves MattAY's name into the machine*
Get in there! I had to force that one in, don't get any ideas... Okay now for you MattAy we've got a lovely





Armless Emo Midget

Um, I mean "Little Person". You gotta be PC these days my man! This is Cora, I gave her your pic and she fell head over heels in love. Just make sure to open the door for her and pull her chair out. No, it's not because she has no arms, it's called being a GENTLEMEN! Speaking of being gentle, she's pretty small so don't get rough with her. Have a good Valentine's Day!!










*Inserts Eyebrows*
Okay fella, the machine has printed out your perfect match, let's take a look shall we...





That blue chick from Avatar

What's her name again? Meh, who cares, she can make you orgasm WITH HER HAIR! I think you scored big time. She enjoys long walks through the woods and doing a bunch of crap with her native people just like that movie Dances With Wolves. I'd suggest camping. There might be a language barrier but who cares, she can make you orgasm WITH HER HAIR! Enjoy.










*Inserts Green Lantern*
Don't forget there's an extra $25 convenience fee. But it's worth it because on Valentine's Day your date is.





A Wal-Mart Greeter

Say hello to Agnus, she's 87 years young and has been a valued employee at Wal-Mart, greeting the doors for 35 years. I'm sure you'll be treated to her special 10% discount you lucky bastard! Take her out for a game of Bingo on Valentine's Day or stay in and party all night into the wee hours of 7 o'clock!









*inserts Ughrochester*
Mickey D's might be a cold-hearted place, but this machine's got nothing but love for you pal, on the 14th you'll be paired up with





Wendy

Whaaat? A McDonald's employee with THE Wendy from Wendy's restaurants? Is this forbidden? It's like Romeo and Juliet, how romantic! I'd suggest dinner and a movie but where will you guys go out to eat? Hmmm, ACKWARD! Maybe Burger King, would that be a suitable place to consider neutral grounds? Well, wherever you go have a great time stud.









*Inserts HK-47*
Thanks for the business bud, I've got a great date for you this Valentine's Day she is none other then....





A member from 4chan

....???
Um, wow, not bad dude! You got a female member from 4Chan named YoungNhawt4U. This is her pic that came up so apparently you got a hottie. Can you say SCORE!? Alright, well I'm just going to google map her location so you know where to pick her up and you guys can go out on your date.

Okay now, I can see her place, isn't it great what we can do with computers now? Hey, I can even see into her living room! And who's that in the window.... is that.... your date.... WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *throws up*

UHHHHHH, I'm afraid the picture is a bit exaggerated. At least he's got man boobs... NO REFUNDS!



Alright, the next 5 who sign up will be set up with their perfect match!

 

[LinksOcarina]

Why not...I like random shit anyway.

 

[Shaft]

in.

 

[BlackStar]

*Inserts LinksOcarina*
This is too easy I don't think I even need the machine to know who your perfect match is. But hey, you paid good money so let's do it....




Princess Zelda

No DUH! I totally called that one. Your name is LinksOcarina so obvious Zelda is the perfect choice for you! I bet you're excited and can't wait for your date! There's just one tiny problem, Zelda is a fictional character :cry: But don't worry! I've got someone for you who is totally into cosplay. You won't even notice she's not the real Zelda!

Enjoy your day!




















*inserts Shaft*
Watch out Shaft, Cupid just hit you with his arrow! Say hello to...










That black girl from that movie Precious

With a name like Shaft you need a whole lotta woman to satisfy your needs. And the black girl from Precious, whatever the hell her name is, is willing and ready. Fame has made her a bit materialistic, but a night of fried chicken will work just fine. Happy Valentine's Day!

 

[electricthunder]

Me

 

[Lentium]

mememe

 

[DocMoc]

I want to play.

 

[WickedLiquid]

Find me love Blacky.