Forever alone? Not anymore!

[BlackStar]

Because your good old friend BlackStar is here for the 27th annual Whacky Blacky Dating service.

Yes, that's right gents! Step right up and I'll find you a date for this upcoming Valentine's Day! You won't be lonely on the 14th with me around! All you need is some dashing good look-... um, I mean all you need is a winning personality-.... Shit...


....All you need is $20! That's right $20 .You won't regret it! But don't take my word for it, just listen to past clients.

Thanks to the Whacky Blacky Dating Machine, I am no longer a virgin. I also learned that it's ok to choke women.

I was so alone, but BlackStar hooked me up with a fabulous date on Valentine's Day and now I have a reason to put on pants and go out side. Thanks BlackStar!

Just insert your name by replying in this thread and true love awaits. So what do you think?

 

[Optimus-Crime]

AHH YES! Today's turning out great!

I have twenty American, not Canadian. Sorry ABOOT that, hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahe heh, Canada.
I need a date for my special day. Birthday? No. Tests results comin in, and I'm expecting good news this time! So fire it up for me.
fingers crossed! for the test results, but for this too!
Like an 80s LL Cool J, I need Love.

 

[BlackStar]

First up is Chris!
*Inserts Optimus Crime*

And for you we have the chick from the video Thriller

Hey, wait, come back! He's not THAT bad! Hey! HEEEEEEEY!


Aw fuck. She ran off. But don't worry, since you're my bro you get a 2 for 1.





*Inserts Chris Crime*
Now let's try this again shall we?
The machine has selected....



In Living Color Fly Girl

You two can do what you wanna do... In Living Color. But I would suggest dancing, like go out to a 90's night club and fly dance that shit till it ain't fly no more. It's been awhile since she was a poipular fly girl and since then she's gone blind. So no worries bro, this one ain't runnin.

 

[Optimus-Crime]

The only running going on is my Running Man dance moves! Yo, DJ! Hit that funky track one time for ya mind, boyeeee--whoa, she's gone.

Welp.

bbl, chasing down that Thriller cutey.

 

[Mod-Chip]

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY CHRIS I'M NEXT

 

[danielrbischoff]

Fly dancing here I come!
*Pulls giant lever...


Eww, gross. Put that thing away BlackStar!

 

[Gunner37]

I guess I will be the next contestant after dan cant wait to see my prize

 

[maca2kx]

I've only got £20 but that's ok, it's worth more than $20.

 

[GRColin]

I've only got £20 but that's ok, it's worth more than $20.

Lol American money joke! Real original Sam!

 

[Optimus-Crime]

Lethean, you said you were just going out for cigarettes. What the fuck, man. Fix my join date.

 

[GRColin]

Lethean, you said you were just going out for cigarettes. What the fuck, man. Fix my join date.

Sorry. Had to drive cross country for my Virginia slims (with Menthol!). I'd have perpetual sand on my vag if I didn't get my slims.

Anyways. I asked someone to change it. I've been bitching off and on about how it won't let me and no one has done anything to fix that so...Let's see if Longo or someone can get it taken care of. Request sent!

 

[De-Ting]

Can I just get a date with the machine? No? Okay...

*inserts a neatly folded $20*

 

[Sourdeez]

Well it didnt cost me $20, It cost me $100 at the time.

http://www.amazon.com/Seller-Fun-Factor ... obra+libre

 

[maca2kx]

No reviews, how surprising.

 

[used44]

Great, now that will be in my Recommendations Based on Recently Viewed Items. Can't wait.

 

[BlackStar]

No reviews, how surprising.

Damn nigga, I'm not Longo. I have a life and a job!




But let's get started shall we?

*Inserts Mod-Chip*
Or is it BBK? Meh, screw it, I already have your money and I inserted your name.For you the machine has selected...

Kristie Alley!

I know you were probably expecting a gangbang. Well technically she is like, 4 people, so it works. Take her out for tacos, then McDonalds, then pizza, then she'll get tired and you'll have to take her home. That's when you get youlr groove on.









*inserts danielrbischoff*

GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY LEVER! This machine is only for professionals! How else ae you going to get matched up with Ms. Right? And here she is...


Slippy!

Here comes a BIG ONE! Unleash your inner lust for this whimsical toad and take him out on the 14th across to a nice planet on the otherside of the galaxy. Just nothing past second base, he's a classy frog.









*inserts Gunner*

Wait, where's the money? ...Yeah that's more like it Ok for you we've got.


Some passed out MILF

Ah! You're in luck! See that woman passed out over there? That's your date. If she's sober by the 14th I'd suggest taking her out to a bar. She enjoys drinking, yelling and spreading herpes. Have fun!

 

[BlackStar]

*inserts Maca2kx*

Your currency jokes don't work in Canada, we get paid in syrup. But regardless, let's see who we've got for youuuuuu.

Why it's a steretypical "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" Black woman!

Take her out for dinner, and enjoy her correct everyone she meets by explaining to them that they did not actually say or do what they really said or did!










*Inserts Lethean*

*rubs eyes* can it be??? Is it really you? For those who don't remember, Lethean's stage name was Ben Affleck, he was married to J Lo until Chris (aka Marc Anthony) stole her away. Well don't worry old buddy old pal! I'll hook you up with the right person, just you wait. Affleck's making a comeback baby, and it's called Argo! Now let's see who we've got for you...

...I fuckin knew it. It's all this UFC, isn't it?









*Inserts De-Ting*

Ok guy, now is your time to shine. On Valentine's Day you'll be hooked up with none other than...

A Playstation Avatar

Wipe the semen off your controller it's time to take wet-n-juicy69 out on a steamy online date. I tried to get a picture of her IRL... trust me, you don't want it. Take her through all the romantic ventures on Playstation home complete with 12 year old trolls and countless women who are really dudes (like I said, you DON'T want to see her pic IRL)

 

[Green_Lantern]

DO ME!

 

[Mod-Chip]

Thanks Blackstar! She's everything I've ever wanted! If 6 out of 5 stars 3 thumbs up best dating service ever!!

 

[GiftedMonkey]

Does the machine give change? I only have this $50 bill grandma gave me at Christmas. I have my debit card too, if that works. I could also pay through my amazon account, but truth be told, those third party things always make me kinda nervous.