I lost my virginity to a 34 year old MILF

Discussion in 'Films, TV, Music, Books, Etc.' started by BlackStar, Aug 14, 2012.

  1. BlackStar

    BlackStar Rookie

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    said the curious man with a grinning smile. I looked over across the bar and saw some frat boy in his early 20's, he looked over at me and raised his glass. I raised it back with an odd expression then finished my drink.

    I stumbled out of the bar at 3am when I was approached by the same guy. He was all decked out in his university jacket. "Hey she was hot!" He said in a drunken stupor. I just nodded and went about my way.

    "Hey wait!" He called out. I turned around "you know where I can get a pizza at this hour?"

    I just shrugged, I didn't feel like engaging so I walked away.

    But it hit me then and there. Why isn't there a pizza place open after 3am? And I realized something, it's because I haven't invented one yet.


    A GR pizza place, guys, this is our destiny. This is why we were brought to the island! We're supposed to make a pizza place!

    I bought a beautiful building on the outskirts of town.

    [​IMG]

    Now I know it doesn't look like much but we'll get this place moving in no time! I even gave you all jobs!












    Longo
    You'll be in charge of fixing the place up. Good luck. We'll need it ready for next week. No excuses, get to work.

    Icepick
    You're our customer service rep, don't forget to smile!

    De-Ting, Rakon, IntotheRain, sourdeez and daverabbit
    You're our delivery men! It takes great honor to be a delivery man. Make sure you represent GR as best you can, unless they don't tip you, then you can slap them.

    LinksOcarina
    You'll be hired to write a full review of our restaurant. Only people won't know that we're paying you to say how great it is.

    Paradox
    Health Inspector is your "job". Basically just pretend you don't see any rats or cockroaches or anything that would make a homeless man reject our food.

    Ugh
    You worked at McDonalds so you'll be in charge of cooking. As head chef you'll have GR people working under you to help out such as Lien, Affen and Green Lantern! Make Ugh proud boys!

    Silios, Sightless and Yorky
    You'll all take shifts working the cash and taking orders. For our pick-up orders just remember to always stand in front of the stains on the walls so you can block the customer from seeing them.

    The Joker
    Janitor duties. It sucks I know but someone has to clean the bathrooms after Ugh uses them.

    Dobby
    You're our sex appeal. Sex sells, and we'll need to advertise to get our name out there. You don't mind wearing a bikini and eating our pizza with our logo facing the camera do you? No? Perfect.

    MattAY
    You're in charge of the commercial. Come up with something sexy. You've already got Dobby in a bikini to work with so you're set. I know she's not Asian but it's the best we've got right now. You've also got Madster, Tylzen and Wes as your film crew so feel free to boss them around. But don't dress them up as Asian chicks!

    Used
    You're in charge of the GR pizza uniforms. It's got to have the GR logo but it can be anything really. Just remember not all of us eat moose on our pizza so try to stay away from using that as a symbol.

    Bretimus
    You will work on the menus. Basically I need you to copy and paste Pizza Hut's menu and then tweak it so it looks original. Take C Nate with you, he can be your look out while you steal the menus from Pizza Hut.

    NickKmet
    Go down to the store and buy me a pack of smokes and a 6 pack of beer. Here's $20

    Urban
    Your job is to attract all the rich white people who like things black people like. Just be stereotypically black and hang out in the front. Say things like "Yo this pizza is for shizz my nizz".I know, it sounds horrible. But the white folk will be in awe.

    BBK
    If our business begins to fail we'll let you run your own private orgies out back. But 40% of all profits goes to us! Got it?

    Daniel
    You're the store's regional manager. Lead these people to victory!

    WickedLiquid
    You're the assistant TO the regional manager. He's the one man you've been hired to protect.

    Chris Crime
    The sign spinner. Without the sign spinner, there is no store.


    ARE YOU READY? OK LET'S DO THIS!
    [​IMG]
     
    #1
  2. UghRochester

    UghRochester https://www.twitch.tv/ughrochester

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    [​IMG]
    I KNEW IT! This thread wasn't about screwing a milf. This thread is about coming together and making the best pizza shop. Way better than Arnold's Pizza shop
     
    #2
  3. Silios

    Silios Rookie

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    Well... At least I would finally have a job at GR...
     
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  4. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    [​IMG]
    Futurama anyone?
     
    #4
  5. WickedLiquid

    WickedLiquid Regular

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    10-4

    [​IMG]
     
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  6. Lien

    Lien Rookie

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    The greatness honor i've always sought after was to work under ugh's supervision. My life is now complete.
     
    #6
  7. Longo_2_guns

    Longo_2_guns Forum Moderator
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    I swear, Ugh is the world's greatest detective or something. How anything manages to get past him is the only mystery he can't solve.
     
    #7
  8. Paradox

    Paradox Soaring Phoenix

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    Rats? Cockroaches? No sir. That meat is our house special hot 'wyngz' and those crunchy black things in your pizza are just our special imported Jamaican olives.

    GR pizza uses only the finest selection of the world's vermin and rodent population to craft our exquisite and deluxe Animal Hater's pizza. This week, only $12.99.
     
    #8
  9. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    having 5 years in customer service experience, clearly this was a role suited for me

    [​IMG]
     
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  10. intoTheRain

    intoTheRain Regular

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    you made the best chef on GR a delivery man. atta boy, you'll be a fine restaurant owner.
     
    #10
  11. MattAY

    MattAY Forum Moderator
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    OK guys! TIME TO SHOOT!!

    We've got our location!

    [​IMG]

    We've got our props!

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Now let's see those costumes....









    [​IMG]

    ...FUCK!! Tylzen, I know you're attached to the beard but shave it a little...
    No, you know what - it'll work, I'll make it work. People have something to HANG onto!
    Maddy, I told you the curls in the hair look fucking shit in the light, you dont cut it - I WILL! You run a nice ass though boy, keep it up.
    And fuck Wes, you're going to have to crouch to stay in frame. I mean how tall ARE you?! The legs are dynamite though buddy.
    Dobby, you are nowhere near naked enough - lose the cotton! But keep the gelato.....OOooooh yeah! Gelato pizza specials!

    OK, that's as close to asian chicks as were gonna get! LET'S SHOOT!!
    Dobby - first scene, you know what to do. the rubber gloves are over there.
     
    #11
  12. intoTheRain

    intoTheRain Regular

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    I also dont think sourdeez will be a very a) reliable, or b) safe delivery man. He has a strange obsession with being "fucked up".

    I may suggest he be the sign guy. And chris the other delivery man.

    Just a suggestion. Dont want anyone blood on our restaurants hands. Nor a lawsuit.
     
    #12
  13. Sourdeez

    Sourdeez Rookie

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    I actually went to school as a network administrator. But I work as a chef now :x

    Its cool if I have to deliver pizzas we will use automated vehicles that way we dont have to drive :D

    Company slogan? "The Gamers Choice!" The only pizza/hotwings that are open 24/7. Plus we have hot french chicks. Well a hot chick that lives over there.
     
    #13
  14. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    see that's where I come in to put a positive PR spin on the situation

    We're so progressive that we opted to show the world that handicapped people can be functional members of society. We're reaching out to those that society cast away, we're putting retards behind the wheel of a 2 ton killing machine, and getting them to bring you pipping hot pizza!

    See, to the public we're helping out the mentally challenged, especially during this trying time in our economy, in reality we're using retards as slave labour, it's all about public perception.
     
    #14
  15. Sourdeez

    Sourdeez Rookie

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    Ouch this thread is getting hurtful to the intelligent tech guy :shock:

    Unless we are talking about marijuana habbits making you stupid or inept. Which is a common misconception. Its very stimulating and mind expanditory. I dont have memory problems or some of the other cognitive issues short term smokers seem to exhibit. Im also a big proponent of Nootropics. They are smart drugs originally created to treat alzheimers but they found when given to healthy people it improve memory and cognitive function while also giving a slight anxiolytic effect. The novel thing about nootropics is they have little to no side effects. Its rather remarkable just how little to non the side effects are.

    The one I enjoy the most for improving every day life is Aniracetam
    http://www.amazon.com/Aniracetam-Ch...TF8&qid=1344986807&sr=1-6&keywords=Aniracetam

    Woh this thread turned cereal.
     
    #15
  16. UrbanMasque

    UrbanMasque Everyone Wears a Mask

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    Ay-yo.. theres pizza inside.. You want some, right?
    [​IMG]
     
    #16
  17. MattAY

    MattAY Forum Moderator
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    What are you talking about? You definitely dont smoke weed.
     
    #17
  18. Green_Lantern

    Green_Lantern Forum Moderator
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    Ugh is my boss?!
     
    #18
  19. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    Agreed, I'm fairly certain given your speech that I've been smoking longer than you've been talking, and marijuana does not make you fucking empowered, you are far more retarded on it than you are sober, no matter how you dice it.

    Or am I too short term for our resident internet badass
     
    #19
  20. Sourdeez

    Sourdeez Rookie

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    I guess psychedelics aren't inspirational to you? No one here ever write a program stoned or set up a network? Never tried to think differently to tackle a creative problem? I have 7 years of smoking every day under my belt. Drugs effect people differently. Then mixed with smart drugs you have improved ability.

    Jesus christ people :lol:
     
    #20

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