Guan_Yu
Rookie
Yo let's post any secrets, tips, tricks, or just uncommon knowledge that could possibly help us all rock this game called life.
* * * SAVING TIME / ENERGY / SPACE * * *
Guan_Yu contributed:
-Take a piss while you brush your teeth in order to save time on both activities.
-Any flat surface will work as a table. Any one.
-Speaking of showers, peeing in the shower is absolutely acceptable and will shave precious seconds off of your life. Just be sure to aim for the drain.
-Wash your dishes as you finish using them. It's gross letting them pile up like that, and it's way easier this way. The same goes for throwing away any trash you produce.
-If you don't have access to a dryer and need to dry a wet article of clothing, hang that shit over a fan.
-If you are typing a paper with no font requirements, use a professional font that takes up more space than the standard Times New Roman. Courier New is your best bet for maximum page space consumption.
-Another great way to fluff a paper is to search all of the punctuation marks in the paper and make them a larger size. Here's a video that goes through all the steps on how to do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKy3RaG3HPo One thing of notice, you do not always have to go just one size up. I played around with this in college and found that depending on the font you use, you can sometimes go up multiple sizes. Just use your better judgement to get the punctuation marks as big as possible without being noticeably larger than the rest of the text.
-Keep a flash drive on your key chain. You never know when you'll need one, and you'll never lose it (unless you lose your key chain, then you're screwed).
-If you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, keep your alarm clock as far away from your bed as possible so you have to get out of bed and walk to turn it off. It also helps if you throw your sheets off of your body as soon as you hear it go off.
Icepick contributed:
-Reverse your hangers, after you wash your clothes from use and put them back, flip the hanger the other way, at the end of the year, anything on a hanger facing the original way should be given to charity as you obviously don't use it
-If you need to remember to bring an item with you when you leave the house, leave -your car keys ontop of the item in question
-To make a drink ice cold in 3 minutes, place the can or cans a pot, covered with ice, fill the pot with two cups of salt and water, voila, 3 minute chiller
-Late on a paper? Submit a mp3 as a .doc, it'll appear corrupted when opened by the professor, buying you a day or two
-frozen lock? squirt hand sanitizer on it, the heavy alcohol base should unfreeze it, allowing access
MattAY contributed:
- On the topic of DIY mala created, always check inventory. ALWAYS! There's nothing more annoying than knowing you're near the end to your cupboard creation only to find the last piece of wood isnt fucking there.
- When making rice, instead of just draining the water. Place the rice in a corainder and let it drain slowly. Doing this gets rid of the starch and makes the rice nice and fluffy.
C_nate contributed:
If you hate folding all that laundry after it is done, learn to do it like this and it's done in a flash! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5AWQ5aBjgE
UrbanMasque contributed:
Open 2 bank accounts. One to dump $50-$100 in every so often, and another to act as your primary expense account.
* * * SAVING MONEY / FREEBIES * * *
Icepick contributed:
-lost your phone charger? Go to a hotel and say you lost yours, it's the most commonly lost item, they'll probably have multiples even
-Have to cancel a doctors appointment or hotel booking and are too close to the date to avoid a cancellation fee? reschedule for a later date, which is free, then cancel a day or two afterwards
-Free air for tires, shell gas station pumps have an over ride, press the pump rapidly 3 times, will start up without payment
Guan_Yu contributed:
-If you get a drink from a fast food place, save the cup and take it with you (discreetly) the next time you go there. Free refills for life!
-Put some dryer sheets over a lit lamp for a nice cheap air freshener.
-Camping equipment is a perfectly suitable replacement for real furniture, and way cheaper/portable.
* * * HEALTH / HYGIENE * * *
Guan_Yu contributed:
-If you run out of deodorant, Gold Bond, Odor Eaters, or baking soda will work in a pinch.
-Always wear a condom, ALWAYS. No that Doritos bag won't work as a replacement, get your dick away from it.
-After a night of drinking, drink two glasses of water and take two Advil before going to sleep and you should be hangover-free the next day. If you're ever blessed with a hangover, drink Gatorade and eat something greasy and fattening.
-If you are prone to heartburn, sleep on your left side to keep the junction between your stomach and esophagus above your stomach acid. Conversely, right-side sleeping aggravates heartburn.
-Congested sinuses can be cleared up in a number of simple ways. Eating spicy foods or engaging in adrenaline inducing activities like exercise or sex should clear you right up. You can also make your own nasal solution by mixing a quarter teaspoon of salt and a cup of distilled or boiled water (if boiled, let it cool first you dum-dum). Add 5-10 drops to each nostril as symptoms occur.
-Gargling warm salt water can help relieve a sore throat.
-The easiest way to get rid of hiccups is to just repeat the word "hiccup" in your head over and over. It sounds pretty silly, but I haven't had a case of the hiccups that lasted longer than 20 seconds in years thanks to this trick.
Icepick contributed:
-Place a few pieces of toilet paper in the bowl before doing your number 2's, will prevent splashback
-Brain freeze from a slushie or ice cream? Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth to remedy it
-stuck in a sneeze limbo, where you have to sneeze but it's not coming? look into a bright light to trigger the action
-to prevent acne, sleep with a freshly cleaned towel over your pillow, plus the fabric softener has a delightful smell to soothe you as you await slumber
MattAY contributed:
- Always have gum. Imagine you're walking back to the office after eating a hot dog caped in onions, and BAM!! You accidently walk into a hot girl. NAY your DREAM girl. Oh fuck, your breath smells like a Pakistanian's flip-flop....always have gum.
Optimus-Crime contributed:
-Carry breath mints and floss, damn you.
Lien contributed:
- Wash your hands BEFORE you pee... trust me.
UrbanMasque contributed:
Shave the hair near your genitals. Or at least keep them trimmed low.
* * * RELAXING * * *
Guan_Yu contributed:
-The most relaxing way to enjoy a beer is in the shower. Consider the good hygiene a bonus to the most relaxing beer you'll ever have. Similarly, smoking while on the toilet is also very fulfilling. Subtip: You will live a healthier life if you refrain from drinking or smoking.
-Shirts and pants are annoying. If you are home alone, don't wear them. If some of your bros are around, you can still probably get away going shirtless. Fuck clothes.
used44 contributed:
-I'll second the shower beer proposal. There's nothing goddamn better than a shower beer.
UrbanMasque contributed:
Whenever you're doing household chores (laundry, cleaning, etc), have a 6 pack. Reward yourself for doing grown up stuff.
* * * LIFE SECRETS AND OTHER NONSENSE* * *
Guan_Yu contributed:
-Orchestra conductors don't actually do anything. They serve no purpose. They just like to get up there and wave their little wands around and act like they're in charge, the fat assholes.
-When serenading your groceries, keep in mind that most food items prefer the sounds of fine Alpine yodeling. So remember to always yodel at the groceries.
This is a pretty Goddamn good list so far, but only you guys can keep making it better. Let's have some fun and profoundly improve each other's lives!
* * * SAVING TIME / ENERGY / SPACE * * *
Guan_Yu contributed:
-Take a piss while you brush your teeth in order to save time on both activities.
-Any flat surface will work as a table. Any one.
-Speaking of showers, peeing in the shower is absolutely acceptable and will shave precious seconds off of your life. Just be sure to aim for the drain.
-Wash your dishes as you finish using them. It's gross letting them pile up like that, and it's way easier this way. The same goes for throwing away any trash you produce.
-If you don't have access to a dryer and need to dry a wet article of clothing, hang that shit over a fan.
-If you are typing a paper with no font requirements, use a professional font that takes up more space than the standard Times New Roman. Courier New is your best bet for maximum page space consumption.
-Another great way to fluff a paper is to search all of the punctuation marks in the paper and make them a larger size. Here's a video that goes through all the steps on how to do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKy3RaG3HPo One thing of notice, you do not always have to go just one size up. I played around with this in college and found that depending on the font you use, you can sometimes go up multiple sizes. Just use your better judgement to get the punctuation marks as big as possible without being noticeably larger than the rest of the text.
-Keep a flash drive on your key chain. You never know when you'll need one, and you'll never lose it (unless you lose your key chain, then you're screwed).
-If you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, keep your alarm clock as far away from your bed as possible so you have to get out of bed and walk to turn it off. It also helps if you throw your sheets off of your body as soon as you hear it go off.
Icepick contributed:
-Reverse your hangers, after you wash your clothes from use and put them back, flip the hanger the other way, at the end of the year, anything on a hanger facing the original way should be given to charity as you obviously don't use it
-If you need to remember to bring an item with you when you leave the house, leave -your car keys ontop of the item in question
-To make a drink ice cold in 3 minutes, place the can or cans a pot, covered with ice, fill the pot with two cups of salt and water, voila, 3 minute chiller
-Late on a paper? Submit a mp3 as a .doc, it'll appear corrupted when opened by the professor, buying you a day or two
-frozen lock? squirt hand sanitizer on it, the heavy alcohol base should unfreeze it, allowing access
MattAY contributed:
- On the topic of DIY mala created, always check inventory. ALWAYS! There's nothing more annoying than knowing you're near the end to your cupboard creation only to find the last piece of wood isnt fucking there.
- When making rice, instead of just draining the water. Place the rice in a corainder and let it drain slowly. Doing this gets rid of the starch and makes the rice nice and fluffy.
C_nate contributed:
If you hate folding all that laundry after it is done, learn to do it like this and it's done in a flash! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5AWQ5aBjgE
UrbanMasque contributed:
Open 2 bank accounts. One to dump $50-$100 in every so often, and another to act as your primary expense account.
* * * SAVING MONEY / FREEBIES * * *
Icepick contributed:
-lost your phone charger? Go to a hotel and say you lost yours, it's the most commonly lost item, they'll probably have multiples even
-Have to cancel a doctors appointment or hotel booking and are too close to the date to avoid a cancellation fee? reschedule for a later date, which is free, then cancel a day or two afterwards
-Free air for tires, shell gas station pumps have an over ride, press the pump rapidly 3 times, will start up without payment
Guan_Yu contributed:
-If you get a drink from a fast food place, save the cup and take it with you (discreetly) the next time you go there. Free refills for life!
-Put some dryer sheets over a lit lamp for a nice cheap air freshener.
-Camping equipment is a perfectly suitable replacement for real furniture, and way cheaper/portable.
* * * HEALTH / HYGIENE * * *
Guan_Yu contributed:
-If you run out of deodorant, Gold Bond, Odor Eaters, or baking soda will work in a pinch.
-Always wear a condom, ALWAYS. No that Doritos bag won't work as a replacement, get your dick away from it.
-After a night of drinking, drink two glasses of water and take two Advil before going to sleep and you should be hangover-free the next day. If you're ever blessed with a hangover, drink Gatorade and eat something greasy and fattening.
-If you are prone to heartburn, sleep on your left side to keep the junction between your stomach and esophagus above your stomach acid. Conversely, right-side sleeping aggravates heartburn.
-Congested sinuses can be cleared up in a number of simple ways. Eating spicy foods or engaging in adrenaline inducing activities like exercise or sex should clear you right up. You can also make your own nasal solution by mixing a quarter teaspoon of salt and a cup of distilled or boiled water (if boiled, let it cool first you dum-dum). Add 5-10 drops to each nostril as symptoms occur.
-Gargling warm salt water can help relieve a sore throat.
-The easiest way to get rid of hiccups is to just repeat the word "hiccup" in your head over and over. It sounds pretty silly, but I haven't had a case of the hiccups that lasted longer than 20 seconds in years thanks to this trick.
Icepick contributed:
-Place a few pieces of toilet paper in the bowl before doing your number 2's, will prevent splashback
-Brain freeze from a slushie or ice cream? Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth to remedy it
-stuck in a sneeze limbo, where you have to sneeze but it's not coming? look into a bright light to trigger the action
-to prevent acne, sleep with a freshly cleaned towel over your pillow, plus the fabric softener has a delightful smell to soothe you as you await slumber
MattAY contributed:
- Always have gum. Imagine you're walking back to the office after eating a hot dog caped in onions, and BAM!! You accidently walk into a hot girl. NAY your DREAM girl. Oh fuck, your breath smells like a Pakistanian's flip-flop....always have gum.
Optimus-Crime contributed:
-Carry breath mints and floss, damn you.
Lien contributed:
- Wash your hands BEFORE you pee... trust me.
UrbanMasque contributed:
Shave the hair near your genitals. Or at least keep them trimmed low.
* * * RELAXING * * *
Guan_Yu contributed:
-The most relaxing way to enjoy a beer is in the shower. Consider the good hygiene a bonus to the most relaxing beer you'll ever have. Similarly, smoking while on the toilet is also very fulfilling. Subtip: You will live a healthier life if you refrain from drinking or smoking.
-Shirts and pants are annoying. If you are home alone, don't wear them. If some of your bros are around, you can still probably get away going shirtless. Fuck clothes.
used44 contributed:
-I'll second the shower beer proposal. There's nothing goddamn better than a shower beer.
UrbanMasque contributed:
Whenever you're doing household chores (laundry, cleaning, etc), have a 6 pack. Reward yourself for doing grown up stuff.
* * * LIFE SECRETS AND OTHER NONSENSE* * *
Guan_Yu contributed:
-Orchestra conductors don't actually do anything. They serve no purpose. They just like to get up there and wave their little wands around and act like they're in charge, the fat assholes.
-When serenading your groceries, keep in mind that most food items prefer the sounds of fine Alpine yodeling. So remember to always yodel at the groceries.
This is a pretty Goddamn good list so far, but only you guys can keep making it better. Let's have some fun and profoundly improve each other's lives!
