The Burbs

Discussion in 'Films, TV, Music, Books, Etc.' started by C_nate, Jan 18, 2014.

  1. C_nate

    C_nate Rookie

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    Hello strangers, long time no see.

    Aside from being a great movie, the burbs are a real place that many people live.

    After spending close to ten years in a city that some people have compared to Iraq, we decided to pick up stakes and head a few miles south to the greener pastures, well, lawns anyway, of the suburbs.

    I was excited to get my son in a nice school and take my kids to a park not covered in gang graffiti.

    At first, everything was great. But what they don't tell you about moving to the suburbs is how most of the people there are two faced assholes.

    In our first six months here we've had one neighbor complain that our front lawn had some weeds. Had another come to my door at 10:30 in the evening to complain that my dog that I had just let out for the last time that night had barked and said that "someone might call the police to complain" if it kept happening. Had my immediate neighbor complain that the light on my garage was shining in his bedroom window at night (I tried to be a good neighbor and took the light out) and the grand finale, that same neighbor complained that we were sometimes driving on our own grass next to our driveway to leapfrog around a car.

    See, our driveway is next to a patch of grass that is ours and next to that grass in the neighbors driveway. So sometimes when one car is in the way, instead of moving it out to the street we just go on the grass and drive around it. Lazy? Maybe.

    Then just the other day, Just a few minutes after I had dropped my son off at school, there was a knock on my door and lo and behold it was a uniformed member of the local PD who came to inform me that my neighbor who had just a few months ago welcomed me to the neighborhood with a warm smile, had called the police to formally complain about my driving my car on my own property.

    The police politely informed her I was doing nothing wrong and they could not prevent me from driving on my own grass to which she replied she would build a fence all the way to the street on her side of her driveway.

    They were just coming to my house at 8:40 in the morning to let me know what was going on and that maybe me and my neighbor could come to some understanding and prevent a "civil war" as he termed it. So we chatted a few minutes and he left after telling me he was just doing his job after I openly laughed at how absurd this whole situation was.

    After he left, I marched right on over to my neighbor and began knocking on the door. No answer. They were hiding now? What a bunch of assholes I thought.

    I looked down at the tire tracks in my grass that separates our driveways, cursing openly and loudly at my neighbors house. I spot some cigarette butts in the grass and see some on their driveway as well. They are littering on my property! Time to call the cops I think to myself. I stop. Dear god, I'm becoming one of them. It's been a week and I still have not seen hide nor hair of my neighbors. I put my floodlight back on my garage. Fuck them.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, I miss the city.
     
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  2. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    Somebody call Scruff-McGruff.

    I guess I was spoiled in Utah. I knew most of my neighbors, and didn't really have any beef with anyone. I was technically in the hood, too. I just never tried to make anyone angry. Sometimes it's worth putting up with little annoyances around you rather than risking conflict.

    You did a good job being the bigger man.
     
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  3. Bretimus_v2

    Bretimus_v2 So tired.

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    You also weren't the home owner Ting. Can confirm, the burbs are full of passive aggressive people. I experienced this in both Utah and Nebraska. But I also found that you have to stand your ground on some of that silliness. Don't be a jerk but calmly remind them "I recognize your concern, I'm happy you brought this to my attention, I will begin looking into resolutions that accommodate both of our needs." Then close your door and clear your short term memory.
     
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  4. Gunner37

    Gunner37 Rookie

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    Bret you lived in Nebraska! I feel so bad for you I live in Iowa and it sucks here but I know Nebraska sucks even worse
     
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  5. Eyebrowsbv31

    Eyebrowsbv31 Rookie

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    The trick is to live in a suburb in the city. My neighbor is a Police detective on one side and a lady that stays mostly at her boyfriend's place. Perfect neighbors.

    About the floodlight, that shit is everywhere: http://9gag.com/gag/4169005
     
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  6. C_nate

    C_nate Rookie

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    I like the way you think. Much more practical than my wild daydreams of retribution and vengeance.
     
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  7. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    If they keep bugging you about the grass thing, you could just tear it out.
     
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  8. C_nate

    C_nate Rookie

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    Funny you should mention that. Me and the missus were just discussing that very thing earlier.

    Probably gonna get some estimates this summer to see how much it'd be to tear up the grass and pave it over giving us a nice wide driveway.
     
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  9. danielrbischoff

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    If it were me, I'd just start overwhelming them with kindness. Make them eat their own shit by being the nicest fucking neighbor ever. I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to do (like your floodlight. Fuck your neighbor, someone needs to invest in some blinds. Floodlights are as much for their security as it is for yours. "Is someone creeping around the neighborhood? Oh shit! There is! My neighbor's floodlight just went off!").

    Instead, I'd invite them to a massive block party/BYOB BYOF/rager. Or I'd bake a ton of cookies with the kids and take a dozen to my neighbors. Really, whenever I saw them, I'd smile, wave, start to walk over and ask them how their day or week has gone. I'd do everything I could to really get in their minds with as much kindness and generosity as I could so they feel like they should be guilty for all their negativity.

    Basically I'm saying you should be this guy:
    [​IMG]

    Except with boundaries. Not for them, for yourself. Fuck them, they've already called the cops so they don't deserve boundaries from your neighborino attitude.
     
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  10. danielrbischoff

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    I'd be worried that they'd up inching their tires over onto your driveway little by little.
     
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  11. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    dan, you're like the Spongebob to my Squidward.
     
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  12. Bretimus_v2

    Bretimus_v2 So tired.

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    I'm in NE now. Been here a year. Funny. All the locals say similar things about Iowa.
     
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  13. madster111

    madster111 Rookie

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    Buy a piece of shit old Mustang or Camaro or whatever in V8.
    Spend an afternoon pulling the exhaust off it and make sure the neighbors see you filling the tank completely with gas.

    Park it as close to their house as you can and give them good eye contact.

    Watch them back the fuck down.
     
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  14. Gunner37

    Gunner37 Rookie

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    This is true we all hate each other but one thing I know is that there is nothing to look at in Nebraska when you drive through it and they are really bad drivers
     
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  15. Green_Lantern

    Green_Lantern Forum Moderator
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    As a born and raised Nebraskan, I take issue with that statement, especially the nothing to look at part.
     
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  16. Gunner37

    Gunner37 Rookie

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    I drove through Nebraska to go to Colorado and was literally bored out of my mind nothing but flat plains all around that being said Iowa is not much better but I stick by the drivers thing because whenever I saw someone do something stupid it was either a Nebraska license plate or a South Dakota plate I also see Iowa ones too but the other two are far more common
     
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  17. Bretimus_v2

    Bretimus_v2 So tired.

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    Guys I think we can all settle down and just agree that people from South Dakota are douche canoes.
     
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  18. Gunner37

    Gunner37 Rookie

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    That is the first time I ever heard someone say douche canoes and I love it but yes I agree with that whole heartedly
     
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  19. Affen

    Affen Rookie

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    I have met maybe 2 of my ~20 neighbors during the one year I've lived here. It feels like we are all avoiding each other.

    Having own house doesn't ensure privacy after all?
     
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  20. Master_Craig

    Master_Craig Forum Moderator
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    That sucks, C_nate. Doesn't sound like a very nice scenario at all.

    The house/location I live in with my family, I have honestly lived in my entire life so far, twenty six years. We've had... interesting neighbours over the past years.

    -We used to have a couple who regularly engaged one another in violence and we (and others in the neighbourhood) would regularly call the police on them. One time they actually both ran out onto the road with glass bottles cradled in their arms, before they both started launching them at one another. They moved away a long time ago so I have no idea where they are, but it was pretty much overnight. Not sure if police were involved in that one.

    -One of our current neighbours is a real weird one. His family moved away to get away from him unfortunately and the man would stay up late chatting to someone/people on the Internet (we could hear the very loud sounds of Yahoo! Messenger playing from his house). Eventually he went overseas for a bit and came back with a young, Asian woman. The poor girl was put to work almost immediately and was doing so much work in his jungle of a front yard. She left shortly after to who knows where, now he uses his house as a boarding house for young international university students/VISA workers. Oh yeah... his front lawn (near the side walk) always becomes a jungle, he refuses to do anything about it because he believes it's the city council's problem, not his... and once every so often, the city council actually come to clean it. I can't believe it. Kids in the neighbourhood also tend to set his front rubbish bin on fire from time to time. I never see it but, I see the ashes after.

    -Our other next door neighbour (the one who replaced the domestic couple) is just an arse. He used to be a pretty cool guy but one day he just turned into a massive douche. Not quite sure how or why. So basically we live in between people we don't like or get along with.

    -We used to have these kids live somewhere on our street who used to break into our yard (jump the fences or something) and they'd steal from our outside fridges - alcohol, food etc. One time I heard someone and actually chased after 'em. I was gonna flog 'em. I couldn't see them and all I saw was a shadowy blur (dark and all). I'm guessing they leapt over their fence while shitting themselves because we didn't see them again after that.
     
    #20

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