Hello strangers, long time no see. Aside from being a great movie, the burbs are a real place that many people live. After spending close to ten years in a city that some people have compared to Iraq, we decided to pick up stakes and head a few miles south to the greener pastures, well, lawns anyway, of the suburbs. I was excited to get my son in a nice school and take my kids to a park not covered in gang graffiti. At first, everything was great. But what they don't tell you about moving to the suburbs is how most of the people there are two faced assholes. In our first six months here we've had one neighbor complain that our front lawn had some weeds. Had another come to my door at 10:30 in the evening to complain that my dog that I had just let out for the last time that night had barked and said that "someone might call the police to complain" if it kept happening. Had my immediate neighbor complain that the light on my garage was shining in his bedroom window at night (I tried to be a good neighbor and took the light out) and the grand finale, that same neighbor complained that we were sometimes driving on our own grass next to our driveway to leapfrog around a car. See, our driveway is next to a patch of grass that is ours and next to that grass in the neighbors driveway. So sometimes when one car is in the way, instead of moving it out to the street we just go on the grass and drive around it. Lazy? Maybe. Then just the other day, Just a few minutes after I had dropped my son off at school, there was a knock on my door and lo and behold it was a uniformed member of the local PD who came to inform me that my neighbor who had just a few months ago welcomed me to the neighborhood with a warm smile, had called the police to formally complain about my driving my car on my own property. The police politely informed her I was doing nothing wrong and they could not prevent me from driving on my own grass to which she replied she would build a fence all the way to the street on her side of her driveway. They were just coming to my house at 8:40 in the morning to let me know what was going on and that maybe me and my neighbor could come to some understanding and prevent a "civil war" as he termed it. So we chatted a few minutes and he left after telling me he was just doing his job after I openly laughed at how absurd this whole situation was. After he left, I marched right on over to my neighbor and began knocking on the door. No answer. They were hiding now? What a bunch of assholes I thought. I looked down at the tire tracks in my grass that separates our driveways, cursing openly and loudly at my neighbors house. I spot some cigarette butts in the grass and see some on their driveway as well. They are littering on my property! Time to call the cops I think to myself. I stop. Dear god, I'm becoming one of them. It's been a week and I still have not seen hide nor hair of my neighbors. I put my floodlight back on my garage. Fuck them. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I miss the city.