Na man....just go - it is your daughter's recital afterall - but just get your own seats. don't make any contact with her - obviously say hi to her family if they initiate a conversation, but leave it at just that. she needs to learn to live with the consequences of divorce, and it doesn't sound like she is fully ready to do that. The kids need to see you together line is just bullshit. My parents got divorced probably 15 years ago now and they never went to my shit together - that's kinda the point of a divorce. just get her out of your life for now, with the only contact between you two is regarding your kids, because really the kids are the most important part that you should fight for which it sounds like you're doing.