Make me laugh, peons!(Funny stuff in here Vids, jpgs, jokes)

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Heard it.

Longo, 60 points, and I direct your attention to a lyrics in Blackstar's "What's Beef?"

Mos Def: "Beef is not what these famous n***** do on the mic. Beef is what George Bush would do in a fight."

TNO, just so you know, I wouldn't fuck Paris Hilton with your dick. What the hell was Optimus Prime doing to her anyway?

And now its my turn again. Ladies and Gentlemen, the genius of Bill Bailey!

There's heaps of his stuff on Youtube, knock yourselves out.
 
Meh, I had to look up what it meant before my post anyway. In my circles, it isn't the kind of word that gets thrown around enough to warrant me knowing what it means.
 
thetank said:
Yeah, I saw that thread you did a while ago, about people's artwork. You've got some skills, Pouchman. You get 5 points for that comment, and another 10 for your sig.

"No hablo ingles..."
Click to expand...

Holy Crap-on-a-stick! I have unreceived points! I didn't even see that post! Sweetage.

EDIT: Oh, just to clarify things, I was talking to NesMan.
 
So a man walks into a bar, sits down at a table and orders three beers. When the beers arive, he take one sip out of each in turn until they are all gone, when he buys three more and drinks them the same way. The bartender is intrigued by this, walks up to him and says, "I've seen a lot of strange drinkers in here, each with a story. Mind telling me why you drink like that?" The man looks at the bartender and replies, 'Me and my two brothers used to have really busy work schedules, and we could only meet once every few days at a local bar, and this became the only time we would be able to get together. When we all moved away from our home town we all promised to go to a bar once a week and order 3 beers and drink for the other brothers."

Well soon the man became a regular at the bar. Everyone in the city knew his story, and occasionally people would buy the drinks for his brothers. One day, the man walked into the bar and only ordered two beers. The bar became silent and everyone looked his way. The bartender came over to him with the two beers and said, "If there is anything any of us can do for you, just tell us. I offer my condolences for your loss." The man looks at him confused, but realized what was going on and said, "Don't worry, my brothers are both fine. I just quit drinking."

I could have told that better but I'm tired.
 
That's a good one. I've heard it before, but 10 points nevertheless.

I've got one.

There's a country pub, just about to close, and the local fuzz are tented outside, to catch any drink-drivers. It's a fine night, and all the punters have been having a good time. As they all file out, the police notice one guy swaying slightly. They decide to watch him for a while, as he staggers towards the cars lined up outside the pub.

He tries his keys on 5 or 6 cars, scratching all around the keyholes, until he finally gets the right car, and manages to get inside. He belts up, and truns on his lights and windscreen wipers, even though it's not raining. He goes to back out of his space, then stops, and goes back into his place, and repeats this a few times.

Eventually, he moves from his parking space, and goes off down the road, swerving, and driving slowly, for 5 minutes before the cops pull him over. They administer the breath-test, and surprisingly there's a zero result.

"I'm afraid we'll have to take you down to the station, and give you the test there. This machine is broken - it shows no alcohol."

"Oh, no, it isn't broken. Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
 
Madster, who hasn't has sex with themselves?

I'm just impressed that Darth Vader here is flexible enough to autofellate.
 
He's not Darth vader, he's actually Klorg from Mass Effect.
The darth vader helmet is a toy, that edits your voice to sound like him..
Why do you think he always sounds gay?
 
Imagined having sex with Darth Vader...

*breathes*

I have you now.

EDIT: Damnit, that was supposed to be Imagine, not Imagined
 
This slightly reminds me of my old "Make Me Cry" topic, which I believe Kool Aide Man won. Good times.

Anyway:

A man walks into the master bedroom of his house carrying a sheep under his arm. His wife lying in bed looks up from her novel.
MAN: Look, honey, this is the pig I sleep with when I'm not with you.
WIFE: Sorry to tell you, but that's a sheep, not a pig.
MAN: Well, I wasn't talking to you.



And don't I have like 530000 points already? Winner!
 
Well, technically Used, you were up to 150000000003, but for the purposes of this competition, that joke gives you 20.

Outside of the competition, a winner is most definitely you!
 
poster76031095.jpg
 
Links, 80 points. Lentium, 40, Raine, 30 points.

Eyebrows, go fuck yourself.

EDIT: Links, I forgot that I'd left the Robin Williams show loading while I did other scorekeeping, so you didn't get that added on. Another 50 points.
 
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