Make me laugh, peons!(Funny stuff in here Vids, jpgs, jokes)

Discussion in 'Archive' started by thetank, Feb 16, 2008.

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  1. thetank

    thetank Rookie

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    Heard it.

    Longo, 60 points, and I direct your attention to a lyrics in Blackstar's "What's Beef?"

    Mos Def: "Beef is not what these famous n***** do on the mic. Beef is what George Bush would do in a fight."

    TNO, just so you know, I wouldn't fuck Paris Hilton with your dick. What the hell was Optimus Prime doing to her anyway?

    And now its my turn again. Ladies and Gentlemen, the genius of Bill Bailey!

    There's heaps of his stuff on Youtube, knock yourselves out.
     
    #121
  2. Hoomfie

    Hoomfie Rookie

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    Me, a fawning parasite? Never.

    Jeez, lighten up. Its just for fun, you austere son of a bitch. (You're not the only one who can use fancy words, Mr Fancy..... :) )
     
    #122
  3. thetank

    thetank Rookie

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    Meh, I had to look up what it meant before my post anyway. In my circles, it isn't the kind of word that gets thrown around enough to warrant me knowing what it means.
     
    #123
  4. Hoomfie

    Hoomfie Rookie

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    Holy Crap-on-a-stick! I have unreceived points! I didn't even see that post! Sweetage.

    EDIT: Oh, just to clarify things, I was talking to NesMan.
     
    #124
  5. Longo_2_guns

    Longo_2_guns Forum Moderator
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    So a man walks into a bar, sits down at a table and orders three beers. When the beers arive, he take one sip out of each in turn until they are all gone, when he buys three more and drinks them the same way. The bartender is intrigued by this, walks up to him and says, "I've seen a lot of strange drinkers in here, each with a story. Mind telling me why you drink like that?" The man looks at the bartender and replies, 'Me and my two brothers used to have really busy work schedules, and we could only meet once every few days at a local bar, and this became the only time we would be able to get together. When we all moved away from our home town we all promised to go to a bar once a week and order 3 beers and drink for the other brothers."

    Well soon the man became a regular at the bar. Everyone in the city knew his story, and occasionally people would buy the drinks for his brothers. One day, the man walked into the bar and only ordered two beers. The bar became silent and everyone looked his way. The bartender came over to him with the two beers and said, "If there is anything any of us can do for you, just tell us. I offer my condolences for your loss." The man looks at him confused, but realized what was going on and said, "Don't worry, my brothers are both fine. I just quit drinking."

    I could have told that better but I'm tired.
     
    #125
  6. thetank

    thetank Rookie

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    That's a good one. I've heard it before, but 10 points nevertheless.

    I've got one.

    There's a country pub, just about to close, and the local fuzz are tented outside, to catch any drink-drivers. It's a fine night, and all the punters have been having a good time. As they all file out, the police notice one guy swaying slightly. They decide to watch him for a while, as he staggers towards the cars lined up outside the pub.

    He tries his keys on 5 or 6 cars, scratching all around the keyholes, until he finally gets the right car, and manages to get inside. He belts up, and truns on his lights and windscreen wipers, even though it's not raining. He goes to back out of his space, then stops, and goes back into his place, and repeats this a few times.

    Eventually, he moves from his parking space, and goes off down the road, swerving, and driving slowly, for 5 minutes before the cops pull him over. They administer the breath-test, and surprisingly there's a zero result.

    "I'm afraid we'll have to take you down to the station, and give you the test there. This machine is broken - it shows no alcohol."

    "Oh, no, it isn't broken. Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
     
    #126
  7. madster111

    madster111 Rookie

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    Longo had sex with himself!
    DAMN IT GIVE ME SOME POINTS!

    :(
    ''Will work for points''
     
    #127
  8. thetank

    thetank Rookie

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    Madster, who hasn't has sex with themselves?

    I'm just impressed that Darth Vader here is flexible enough to autofellate.
     
    #128
  9. madster111

    madster111 Rookie

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    He's not Darth vader, he's actually Klorg from Mass Effect.
    The darth vader helmet is a toy, that edits your voice to sound like him..
    Why do you think he always sounds gay?
     
    #129
  10. thetank

    thetank Rookie

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    Imagined having sex with Darth Vader...

    *breathes*

    I have you now.

    EDIT: Damnit, that was supposed to be Imagine, not Imagined
     
    #130
  11. madster111

    madster111 Rookie

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    *walks out door*
     
    #131
  12. used44

    used44 Forum Moderator
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    This slightly reminds me of my old "Make Me Cry" topic, which I believe Kool Aide Man won. Good times.

    Anyway:

    A man walks into the master bedroom of his house carrying a sheep under his arm. His wife lying in bed looks up from her novel.
    MAN: Look, honey, this is the pig I sleep with when I'm not with you.
    WIFE: Sorry to tell you, but that's a sheep, not a pig.
    MAN: Well, I wasn't talking to you.



    And don't I have like 530000 points already? Winner!
     
    #132
  13. thetank

    thetank Rookie

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    Well, technically Used, you were up to 150000000003, but for the purposes of this competition, that joke gives you 20.

    Outside of the competition, a winner is most definitely you!
     
    #133
  14. used44

    used44 Forum Moderator
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    Yay! Winner!
     
    #134
  15. LinksOcarina

    LinksOcarina Rookie

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  16. Eyebrowsbv31

    Eyebrowsbv31 Rookie

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    eunuchs most likely.
     
    #136
  17. Sad

    Sad Rookie

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    Links, no offense, but those kinda suck...
     
    #137
  18. Lentium

    Lentium Rookie

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  19. Rainemaida

    Rainemaida Veteran

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  20. thetank

    thetank Rookie

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    Links, 80 points. Lentium, 40, Raine, 30 points.

    Eyebrows, go fuck yourself.

    EDIT: Links, I forgot that I'd left the Robin Williams show loading while I did other scorekeeping, so you didn't get that added on. Another 50 points.
     
    #140
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