My childhood memories flushed down the drain:
The Smurfs:
Yes, I grew up with it. Dutch voice-over and everything. I hate the set-up of the movie, since it is just another random X transplanted into current day New York. Not original.
That, and they skipped on the familiar voices they used for the animated series, and went ahead by hiring the new hip upcoming actors who will be pulling a Ledger in a couple of years.
G.I. Joe:
I caught this crapfest on TV a few weeks back. WTF?!
They accidentally the whole thing. I smell a sequel, because the two fans the franchise has left were begging for it. Most likely only the director and producer of the first movie.
Transformers:
When the first sneakpeak/teaser hit the Internet, I was intrigued. When the movie hit theatres I was wondering if I didn't accidentally snuck into a chick flick. For a movie series called "Transformers" it shows an awful lot of talking humans.
The minor shout outs to the original animated series, and the third travesty which was trying to be an homage to Leonard Nimoy's Spock from The Wrath of Khan are just lame. Overall, even the Go-Bots would be ashamed if the series would've been based on them, so imagine how Optimus Prime and Megatron must feel.
What yet has to be mangled.
Teddy Ruxpin
This series deservers something. Most importantly: a DVD release. I'm still waiting on a proper Dutch DVD release anyway.
How would Hollywood fux this up? Well, taking a cue from the Smurfs it will be about Teddy and his buddies ending up in current day New York and a more Michael Bay-ish approach gives Teddy two H&K MP5 to dual wield. YEAH!
M.A.S.K.
Most awesome intro's to an eighties series ever. I loved this show as a kid, mostly because of the cool toys. Be warned though, there is one thing almost everyone has forgotten about which makes the series unbareable to watch these days: T-Bot and that dumbass kid.
Yeah, you just know that any movie based on M.A.S.K. will suck a giant, hairy nutsack.
Gummibears
The actual pitch:
Douchebag: So get this right. The bears, in their tree fortress (note: good for merchandise), make a new magic potion to increase the potency of their bouncing powers. However, things go wrong and after a mighty, earth shattering, kaboom the bears find themself in current day San Fransisco. But they are not alone, oh no! Their enemies were somehow caught in the explosion as well and are now hunting the bears.
Studio exec: Brilliant, except for one thing. Might I have a suggestion?
Douchebag: Shoot!
Studio exec: Can we change San Fransisco into New York?
Douchebag: ... BRILLIANT!
