I'm a writer. I'm self-employed, haven't had anything published and haven't made a cent from anything I've done, but it's what I do. I haven't finished anything yet because I don't want to just push out any old amateur trash. I'm too meticulous about it.
I've tried working at a few different places, but haven't held a job for more than 4 days. I've worked in a freezer pulling orders for delivery trucks, at an office editing freelance web designer commissions, and at a supermarket. I hated every minute of it. Call me weak, call me a pansy, but believe me, I know. I tried and I failed, and each time I quit I got very depressed. Forget the fact that I have trouble sleeping, forget the fact that I have bronchial asthma, I'm seriously disappointed that I can't go out and earn money like everyone else I know.
Now I'm almost 25 years old and I'm living at home in my mom's basement. Every day my mom and sister come home with a new story or complaint about their jobs, and I feel like dirt because I'm not out there suffering with them.
So I'm stuck here in this awkward place, wanting to make some real money to support my family but not willing to do so at the cost of my artistic integrity. This book,
Cruel, probably could have been done a long time ago. It might even have been good, but it wouldn't have satisfied me, and I haven't even mentioned all of the fears I have with publishing it.
I saw this
Disney's Frozen snowflake sandwich crust cutter one day, and it struck terror into every ounce of my soul.
It was then I realized just how afraid I was of the sheer bastardization of my work. It's a thought that looms over my head constantly. Horrible merchandise produced in the most exploited reaches of the earth that serves no purpose other than to make a fat old man in an expensive suit a quick buck. Not just that, but all of the disrespectful, distasteful things that people do to anything and everything...it's a waking nightmare.
I know I'm going to have to make some compromises to get where I want to be, but there are places I will never go, things I will never do to get there.
Anyway, there's a little taste of what I have to say. It's a sore subject, sorry.