Therapy - has anyone tried it (personal question)?

[Master_Craig]

Hey guys.

Sorry to do this to you all with a long post, this might come across as a rant/vent (which it kinda is) but I also do have a serious question, which I'll throw out there first.

I'm just wondering... and I understand that this is a very personal question so you don't have to answer with a post if you don't want to, but has anyone here tried therapy from a psychologist/psychiatrist for any particular reasons? I'm just wondering what people's experiences might have been like if they have visited one of these things.

The reason I'm asking is because, well to put it completely bluntly and out there, I think I'm depressed. I guess I want "confirmation" on whether or not this is true and also, I want to seek out help and advice on it.

Long story short, I feel like crap. A lot.

To start with, I hate my full time job. I've been here for over four and a half years, I feel very under valued, under appreciated, people talk over the top of me all the time, my superiors shoot down most of my ideas, people don't seem to believe or trust me, for example - "Did you find this?" "No it wasn't there." "Did you look in the box like I asked you to?" "Yes I did and I'm sorry to say, it wasn't there." "I'll check myself then." I basically feel like I'm not good enough and that I'm not allowed to become good enough, if that makes sense. I feel like if I stay here then I'll never grow to improve, never get a pay rise etc. I feel like I'll be stuck. Basically, I wake up every weekday morning dreading the idea of getting into the car to go to work. I also feel like shit on Sunday afternoons/evenings because I know I have to get up for work the next day.

I find it difficult to stand up for myself as I have a low confidence/self esteem, been like that for most of my life. I was severely bullied all through high school and sadly, despite high school finishing ten years ago, it still lingers on.

I don't want be totally helpless... I've applied for new jobs. In the past twelve months I've applied for fifteen new jobs. Two of which I've heard back from, had one interview but unfortunately didn't get the job, and the other opportunity I passed down because it was only temporary. I've just recently applied for a new job and I plan on applying for another one I've spotted very shortly. I've been doing a lot of work on my resume as of late.

Now my personal life isn't that great either... I guess I shouldn't complain too much, I have a wonderful girlfriend who's absolutely perfect for me, but sometimes... I get the same feeling about my job as I do with some of my friends, e.g. under valued, under appreciated, not listened to etc. I try and help my friends a lot and I feel that sometimes, they may be taking advantage of it or/and taking it for granted. I hope it's not selfish of me to feel this way?

It's also upsetting because, well, I like taking care of my girlfriend and I want to help her. See, she has social anxiety and she has also struggled with depression in the past. She doesn't have the best confidence and I want to help her grow and help her better herself - I want her to be successful and happy. One of my friends commented on this and said that I shouldn't be doing this as it's "weak" of me and going to make me "weaker", apparently. It feels pretty horrible to hear that. :/

Exercise helps a lot... I do judo three times a week and I'm at the gym three times a week. Also as of late, my girlfriend and I do afternoon/evening walks about three times a week. I'm slowly easing her into exercise, as we continue the walking and get better at it, we'll move onto higher intensity exercise. Exercise does make me feel better, but I feel I'm an up and down kinda person. At work I'm down, then after work after my exercise, I go up. I'm a frickin' yo-yo during the week.

I guess... at the end of the day, with both work and friends, I just feel like I'm not "good enough". That's what's making me feel like shit.

Would it be wise to seek out the advice of a psychologist or psychiatrist? Or should I just talk to people about my issues? Are my problems sincere, or am I just being a sook? :/

 

[Sourdeez]

Your problems are sincere but no one but yourself can really decide if you would like help from a medical professional. Some people can not afford for medical help to even be a option.


If it is mild depression St John's wort has been studied to be more effective than paxil to treat mild depression and without the same side effects. One side effect that is common on st John's wort is your skin may become more sensitive to sunlight. I have been taking the st johns wort for 3 years now with positive results. You can pick it up anywhere that sells vitamins and usually pretty cheap.


Normally I would tell you that seeing a medical professional probably couldn't hurt anything other than your pocketbook but in some states even if you are prescribed as little as Xanax for work related anxiety they will try to take your firearms from you. If you own firearms please do the research beforehand. It is a shame that such a barrier has been placed even if it had started with good intentions.

 

[WickedLiquid]

I don't see a problem with therapy. People need to vent and let it out, this thread is proof of that, and who better to vent to then someone who will listen and offer professional advice.

A psychiatric will just prescribe you medication with side effects. In some cases pills are a good choice but i just think getting it off your chest is much more beneficial. Of course if you can't afford a therapist then seek out a psychiatrist since that's the cheap option, unless your health care isn't free, in which case you should go for the therapist since either choice will cost ya.

All in all I think I speak for everyone here when I say you're one of the nicest guys at GR and we're all lucky to have you as part of our community. Never forget that Craig!

 

[Paradox]

All in all I think I speak for everyone here when I say you're one of the nicest guys at GR and we're all lucky to have you as part of our community. Never forget that Craig!

Yep!

If it's within your budget, maybe talk with a therapist once a week or so. Keep looking for those other employment opportunities, something good's bound to come your way. You matter Craig. As cliché as it sounds, hang in there.

 

[MattAY]

All in all I think I speak for everyone here when I say you're one of the nicest guys at GR and we're all lucky to have you as part of our community. Never forget that Craig!

Nicest guy at GR? Hell, I only know you through a forum but I feel like you'd be one of the nicest guys in Australia!

The only nicer guy I know is my friend who gave up his Christmas morning to go and feed homeless people soup - HERO! (whilst I was sitting on my ass drinking Bucks Fizz - no regrets)

Anyway, if it helps, I also hate Sunday afternoons dreading the working Monday! I have low confidence too, but I'm lucky enough to work with people who trust me I guess. I've never had any experience with therapy or anything like that, it's never been a big thing here in UK (unless you count the Jeremy Kyle Show).
It sounds like you're handling the girlfriend situation incredibly well, and I would say your friend is being a little selfish with the whole "weak" thing - I would also get upset at that.

Since I cant offer advice on the psychologist side of things, I would say persevere with the job hunting - easier said than done I know. But it's obvious the job is the thing that's making you unhappy, which is perhaps seeping into your friendships - like it's the source of your depression.

Also, if you wait like 5 years - me and my gf are thinking about moving to Australia! I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND!

 

[UrbanMasque]

Your "problems" are totally sincere, but I wouldn't label them as problems. I'd say your feelings. You feel undervalued, but you shouldn't be looking externally for value - create value for yourself and your gf, and it looks like you're already doing that. I hate hearing people (especially friends, & awesome friends like you!) that feel depressed. We all go through those cycles - being an adult fucking blows - but nothing is outside of your influence to change, Nothing.

I haven't tried professional help, but I've always been curious about it. I spoke to a few friends of mine who've been to a few sessions as well as one girl who has ongoing sessions and they all rave about it - but its like finding an music teacher, you have to vibe with the person in order to be open. I should note that ALL of these friends are on the level with no social ticks or off-putting little nuances. I don't know if thats as a result of the therapy or not, but they all seem in general good mental health.

After speaking with them, I wanted to try to find someone local to me to talk things through with - not to justify anything, but just to listen and to bounce ideas off of.

So now to you -

Your Job: A large segment of people hate their job and feel under valued - that doesn't mean you have to be happy about it. You have a creative outlet - keep using it until you land something that fulfills you!! Cliche, but the truth! You should always, ALWAYS be improving yourself - physically (which you've mastered, through your craft [drawing], through mentally challenging yourself with learning a new skill, or book learning. The problem is when you're at work - its not YOUR time, so you just want to waste it and get through it, and when you leave work you're so drained that you don't want to do anything other than something that requires minimal thought. FIGHT THAT URGE! Also keep applying for other work, being proactive is key.

Standing up for yourself is something that isn't always easy, because you seem like an agreeable guy but it also becomes a habit to avoid friction. I don't know what your office is like, but you know who has the power to fire you and who doesn't. If someone is offloading work, or being a dick something as simple as asking them "Why" they want you to do something or why they feel action X is significant is a start. It starts with tiny interactions. If you need to escalate it and confront them with their own dickishness like, "dude, that was unnecessarily aggressive" or " you could've just spoke to me directly about X". People hate being confronted by their own passive aggression! DONT LET YOUR JOB OR PEOPLE AT YOUR JOB FUCK WITH YOU and that goes for everybody! Dont feel obligated to take peoples BS because you need the paycheck!

Your Friends: They sound like douches. Standing up for yourself also starts in your free time. Don't help them unless they SPECIFICALLY ask, none of this implying bullshit. Helping other people feels rewarding and gratifying - but there are limits and if you feel they're taking advantage of your kindness, THEY ARE. Dont let that tiny ego voice in your head ruin a freindship, but set boundaries - and if you dont want to do something just be like, "look, I'd rather not spend my Saturday doing that or just a flat out - Nah im good, but thanks".

Your Lady: You love your girl? Good -then shower her with compliments. Tiny compliments here and there. Also the exercise thing seems awesome! Keep that shit up! I would say - talk to your girlfriend about these feelings, but you dont want to gripe to your lady, venting every so often is cool - but you dont want to create a negative atmosphere. Just enjoy each other! Does she go with you to these gaming Cons? or meetups? If so, you should go with her to things she wants to go to and be her support at whatever function that is (no matter how boring - its bf duties for sure, but you'll bank some blowjob points).

I dated a girl recently who told me that she struggled with depression her whole life, but didn't know it until she was diagnosed. She said it was hereditary on her dad's side but she felt sluggish and apathetic all the time as a kid - and it affected her ability to make friends b/c people just thought she was being emo and awkward.. Nothing motivated her and she just didn't see the value in anything, including her existence - but in her mid 20s she went to speak with someone who diagnosed her and prescribed her meds for it. I met her after her treatment, and I would've never guessed. She still takes the meds, but is also concerned about what would happen if she ever stopped.

I'm always a bit weary of the medically prescribed aspect of treating depression, because then your body gets dependent on those items. Also, it can make it worse if you have a negative reaction to it or stop using it.

My advice: Talk to someone (friend or professional), just don't keep these internal because they'll drive you nuts. I've started guided meditation as a "therapy alternative" and its really helped me let go of fleeting thoughts that really don't help in any way. Fleeting thoughts of work, love, life etc - cuz we tend to dwell on them.

Hope this helps!
Urbz

 

[Master_Craig]

Hey guys.

I'm a bit overwhelmed by everyone's positive response, advice and very kind words to me in this thread. I really appreciate it and I am truly grateful for it. You're all really good people, and while I haven't met anyone from this forum (and I'm not sure if I ever will, I would love to though one day) I'd just like to say that you guys are such good friends to me. Thank you. I've had to sit back and absorb all of this and try and come up with a response for it all.

It'll be a long post, so apologies in advanced.

It looks like one of the biggest sources of my down hill, so to speak is my current job. There's nothing I can do to "fix" that really, as unfortunately like everyone in modern society, I need a source of income. As everyone has pretty much said, the best I can do is just to keep applying for different jobs.

So far I have applied for two jobs, both of which I won't hear back from for three to four weeks (I've at least received a non-automatic response saying my application was received and such) - and that's okay! I've applied for a position with another government department to work as a multimedia specialist (essentially the same as my current job - same pay, permanent, just different work and management). I've also applied for a job that might be "punching above my weight", but I've applied for a high level job within our state's parliament government as a media and communications adviser. In the mean time I will keep looking and applying when I see potential opportunities.

I think I would like to talk to someone... but at this stage I don't really want to take medication, although Soudeez's comment of over the counter style medication that you can buy sounds interesting. My brother is a psychologist, well... he's studying at university and is currently studying for his masters degree in psychology but in saying that, I don't want to talk to him about my problems/feelings because I feel it will be, for him anyway a "conflict of interest" as he knows me almost better than anyone else - he's my brother after all. I feel that may effect his ethics as he feels very strongly within his ethical role as a psychologist. That and I don't want to bother him for "free therapy". I think personally I should speak to a therapist (or a psychologist) who I don't know, someone completely "fresh" so to speak. I think that is the better way to go. I know my brother would help me in a heart beat, but I don't think I should bother him.

I think that's true. These aren't so much "problems" but more or less "feelings" of negative emotion because of my current situation, e.g. feeling of being undervalued, not listened to etc. From the sound of things, one of the things I can do to try and help myself is well, work on myself in different things. Urban is right, doing things like drawing and stuff is really helpful and it makes me feel better. There's a very relaxing feeling and sensation about drawing. I really need to try and push my creativity into something positive that maybe one day, could become my "work". That's what I want to do after all, to be an artist for a living.

I need to stop taking shit from people and start standing up for myself more often. I shouldn't have to take people's shit just because it involves a pay check every fortnight.

I'm glad everyone has positive things to say about my relationship with my girlfriend, Candace. We'll be busy this evening - after the gym I'll be walking with her again for about 30 - 45 minutes, then we're gonna go out for dinner, then come home and maybe do some drawing together. We often do that, just draw stuff while we have music playing from the PS4 via the Spotify app.

She's an artist too, one day she wants to be a children's author which I think is great. To answer your question Urban - she is into games (she watches me play a lot of the more violent games, she plays the Sims herself but she's recently gotten into Skyrim, she's a huge fan of Uncharted and Mass Effect). She's also coming with me to PAX AUS 2015 - she does have an issue with crowds again due to her anxiety, but that's something we need to work on together... it won't be just us two at PAX, we will be with my brother and a few friends of ours while there, also while at PAX Candace and I will be together at all times, so hopefully she'll be okay.

I think at the end of the day I do need to talk to someone about this stuff, whether it's a close friend or a professional as Urban said, because if I don't talk to anyone I'll just end up bottling it up inside and either spewing it all out in one go or I'll just be filling myself up with negative, poisonous thoughts and emotions and feeling like shit all the time.

I'd like to thank you all again for everything you've all said... it's been extremely helpful, more than you can imagine. It really made the end of my week so much better. I'm so grateful to be in such a tight, positive community. Thank you, GRians.

 

[Green_Lantern]

Just quit your job, move to the outback, and live like an aborigine. GR needs its own Aussie Jeremiah Johnson!


But seriously, even if you don't want to talk to him in detail, at the very least ask your brother for some names he would recommend. He has to know some people given his field of study.

 

[Bretimus_v2]

Sounds like you're moving in the right direction.

The biggest thing is that I know what the standard is in the U.S. but have no idea what the Aussie standard is. I'd imagine not too different but then again...

First look into whether or not your work/national benefits provides a free phone-in service. My company has one that I get via my work benefits. It can be a great way to test the waters and get some of it off your chest. The reps on most of these services are trained and licensed professionals and in many cases can help you start recognizing what you need and whether in-person sessions would be beneficial. Through that same service my work also provides life coaches. One of my coworkers did that and three months later quit his job of twelve years and opened a bakery. He's never been happier and never would've built the plan or had the balls to do so without an objective professional to help guide him. There's some help on the personal and professional side. look into that.

I agree with most of what you said about your brother but you gotta stop making it about him and his code. Remember, this is about you getting help. You sound like a very empathetic guy who internalizes others struggles. The truth is that You probably focus on them so you can momentarily forget your stuff. Thats how I roll at least and it can be a heavy burden and lead to a lot of feelings of being overwhelmed by others stuff, not voicing your emotional needs, etc. Which is why you need to Find a third party who can be objective and for whom you carry no perceived emotional responsibility. Make sure to Find someone who is in line with your core values.

Personally I think talking to someone is a very brave thing to do. If you are feeling strongly about it, do it. Don't waffle about it and talk yourself out of it. Trust your instinct. I've never been a lifelong weekly visit guy but I've had three occasions in my life surrounding traumatic events where I was frankly not doing well. each time I was lucky enough to find a professional that helped me. I was never on medication, no hypnosis or weird stuff from movies. These individuals got me back on track.

I very much believe that You're in charge of your own happiness, Craig. But that doesn't mean you have all the answers. You might be too close to see the whole canvas so get that extra pair of eyes.

 

[intoTheRain]

You just need someone you can talk to. Not a psychiatrist or therapist it's a massive waste of money I believe.

I went through a very depressed stage where I felt like absolutely every aspect of my life was at rock bottom about 9 years ago. I didn't leave my room except at night for almost a month and didn't eat aside from some frozen berries at night because night time was the only time I could stomach food. I can't eat when I'm sad. I lost nearly 40 lbs.

My parents set me up to talk to a friend of theirs from the church. A pretty cool young dude. And it helped a lot. You need someone who you are comfortable with just letting it all out. And it helps if they can relate.

I ended up taking some extremely mild meds which I honestly feel did nothing for me but did give me a boost (whether it was a placebo or actually due to the drug) to get back in the gym an get exercising again which was the ultimate cure for me.

If I'm ever feeling down an extremely intense exercise will fix it. But likely that's not the case with you. In that regard you'll need to find what works for you. But I'll stick by what I said about therapists and psychiatrists/psychologists. They're no better than just having someone you can unload to imo.



It also really helped to talk to people on the internet too.

 

[Optimus-Crime]

Long story short, I feel like crap. A lot.

Stop whining. That'll be $240 dollars.
- Therapy: long story short.

 

[Master_Craig]

Hey again guys. I'd like to thank you all for your continuing comments, positive words and kind advice. I appreciate it. Just posting to give you guys an update.

I read intoTheRain's post and man... sounds like you went through a hell of a rough patch. I'm sorry to hear about all of that, but I'm glad you got through it and that you're better now.

I spoke to my brother, had a one to one private conversation with him. He suggested that it is possible I -may- have a form of depression (however, he can't and isn't supposed to try and diagnose me) and he suggested I speak to a professional. He didn't say psychiatrist, he suggested a psychologist, because psychologists can give their patients exercises and tasks for them to do in their own time to try and further help themselves. My brother said that the goal of a psychologist is to help the patient enough so that they no longer need a psychologist, if that makes sense.

I've also looked into some stuff at work... because I work for our state's government, one of the perks is that we have access to a confidential psychologist and our first five sessions are free, so I am considering it. Not sure how much it costs after that, if more sessions are needed.

My brother did advise me to do some research, and practice on assertive communication. He tells me it's something that I won't be able to adopt over night, but by researching and practicing assertive communication, I may be able to further improve myself in the workplace and beyond. I've been doing a lot of reading over the weekend about it and it sounds very promising.

Talking about this helps a lot too, however my brother has advised me to be careful who I talk to, as some people may offer very negative or/and poor advice. He said that's up to my own discretion and I should talk to people who are close friends, family or my girlfriend. Everyone here who has commented on this thread has posted very kind, positive and useful advice, so that's been great so again - thank you all. I love this community.

What my brother and I have determined is that when I get annoyed, angry or upset, I tend to do the stupid thing of bottling it inside. Instead of talking about it or explaining why I'm upset/angry, I tend to just shut up and try and avoid everyone. Eventually, somehow it breaks out and then it's not good. This doesn't happen very often at all, but when it does it's quite stupid of me. The solution to this is, as mentioned above, talk about it, try and be expressive and assertive.

I spoke to my parents about this last Friday night. It was a lengthy discussion that lasted nearly two hours - certainly one conversation we will not be having again, but by the end of it all I actually felt SO much better, and I think it gave my folks a better understanding about me and why I am the way I am.

In the mean time... here's some things I can, and am doing to try and make things a bit better:

-Work on my resume, continue to apply for relevant jobs that I think are suitable for me
-Continue my research and practice (when applicable) on assertive communication
-Continue my regular intensive exercise and training
-Be a bit more open about myself - talk to people (close friends, family, girlfriend) about issues
-Consider talking to a professional, most likely through the confidential psychologists we can access through work (need to do a bit of research on this, not quite sure how it all works)
-Think about getting better - be "wanting" of it

Thanks again for your comments everyone. Sorry for a long post, I thought I should share with you all an update of how I'm going, but thanks again.

 

[Master_Craig]

So... starting tomorrow I'm going to be seeing a psychologist, so yeah, uh, therapy I guess.

Because I work for the state's government, I'm entitled to five free sessions. My brother tells me I shouldn't need anymore than five sessions. He's also advised me that if the psychologist gives me any "home work" (e.g. research to do at home, exercises/tasks to do etc.) I should do it.

My first session is at 10 AM tomorrow. I'm told the first session is a general introduction, then the next session is where they get into it and such. Wish me luck, I'm a bit nervous.

 

[used44]

Good luck! I think you're going into it with the right mindset, so you'll definitely get something out of it.

 

[Green_Lantern]

I feel like everyone skipped over my great idea...

 

[UrbanMasque]

 

[Master_Craig]

Good luck! I think you're going into it with the right mindset, so you'll definitely get something out of it.

Thanks, used! I'm quite positive about this, but I am still pretty nervous.

I feel like everyone skipped over my great idea...

I could try your idea but I have a feeling I might get arrested for it.

 

[Optimus-Crime]

Because I work for the state's government, I'm entitled to five free sessions.

ughhh...

Justifying your needs because it's free just feeds into the psychoses which you've created, a "psychoses" which does not exist, sorry.

But if you really need a guru to help get your life in shape, by all means. It's free after all. jeez

Sorry, it's not you, I just don't buy into therapy when the end result is never "face if, you're a lost cause." I've seen too many lost causes at this point for that not to be the answer.

Here's my free diagnoses: you're young, and it's natural to feel x,y,z.
I hope you understand that I'm not going out of my way to be a dick to you, via the internet, because that's a thing, I'm just hoping you'll see that you already have the answers you're looking for and come to the realization that therapists are nothing more than modern day snake oil salesmen pushing their wares. You could literally reflect, talk to yourself, and find all the same answers that guy will give you. But good luck.

 

[GRColin]

You could literally reflect, talk to yourself, and find all the same answers that guy will give you. But good luck.

I definitely understand where you're coming from but I do disagree here. You can easily talk to yourself and reflect but some people, no matter what, always find a way to justify their behaviour or what they're doing because of a bias. A good therapist will at least call you out on your B.S and make you realize that your approach may not always be the best one. I get that friends or family can tell you that as well but for some people it doesn't work. Of course, those who don't take their therapy seriously will also disregard what they're being told, feeling they know better or will still find a way to warp what the therapist is saying to fit their agenda.

So fuck it. Read the "Four Agreements" and move on, save your money.

 

[Master_Craig]

It's all good, Optimus-Crime. I know you're not trying to be a dick and your justification behind your words is not of any dickieness, you're just being honest. I appreciate your honesty and I appreciate your input as well.

You might be right, my mindset could be some complete made up B.S. that was created by me and my subconscious because of past experiences, but in saying that I still would like to give this therapy stuff a try. I've heard very good things about the place I'm going to (my brother backs this place up too, says they have good, knowledgeable and experienced staff) and realistically the worst that can happen is I don't find it very useful and I never go back.

I have been doing some reading in my own time, mostly looking online for advice and information on assertive communication.

I do appreciate everyone's feedback. Thank you.