MikeyVassallo
Regular
Ok, here's the facts. If you don't care about the NCAA Men's Football National Championship Game that starts tomorrow night at 7pm CST at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California then you are probably a couple of things. Number one being a homo. Number two being Canadian. Three, probably not destined to go to college. Four would be a hockey fan.
For this rest of us, this is a topic solely about that subject. Sit back hater, let Daddy Stal learn you a few things. Trust me, it will make girls like you.
The Number One Ranked Alabama Crimson Tide (yes, this is their nickname and I guess mascot)? will face the Number Two Ranked University of Texas Longhorns (again, slightly phallic, but hey this is football!).
If you are an idiot you think that Alabama is going to run away and hide on Texas and that Colt McCoy (I defy you to find a better name for a Quarterback from Texas) and his burnt orange brosephes shouldn't have even gotten on the plane headed from Austin to sunny California. The reason you think this is because ESPN, Sports Illustrated, USA Today and several other media outlets have crowned SEC football the "BEST CONFERENCE IN THE WORLD" and every other conference is awful. If they had it their way, Notre Dame, USC, Utah, Boise State and sometimes TCU would also be playing in the SEC so they would never have to talk about any other Men's Division 1 College football team ever again.( Want proof? Here ya go That is thinly veiled tongue in cheek provided by big 12 Alum Pat Forde... what a tool.)
But there is a problem with that. Probably because it is retarded. While Alabama is ranked 1 in the BCS Standings they are only ranked so because they trounced a highly over-hyped Florida team that was riding the Tim Tebow train until he ran out of Jesus Juice because he used it all to subdue the poor little African kids last summer before whacking off the tips of their wieners. Don't believe me? Well, you , son, have some googling to do. Regardless, Alabama hasn't dominated their conference. Sure, they went unbeaten, but so did Cincy and you saw what FLA did to them, right? Probably not. All I'm saying is that there were two teams, Tennessee and Auburn, who gave Alabama a run for their money and nobody seems to be talking about it. I wonder why? Oh yeah, because the Crucified Jesus a few weeks ago.
And not only did they nail the holy Tebow to the tree, on the same night the Number 2 ranked Texas Longhorns Men's football team sat in a giant stadium in Dallas and watched some boy named Suh tear up their offensive line and make McCoy look like a rag doll. And how did that shell shocked team respond? They won the fucking game. But Mike, sir, they were suppose to win that game! Oh fuck you, Alabama would have been in the same boat. Nebraska's Defense was unstoppable. Probably the most underrated defense in the country. Now ask me why that is? Go ahead. I'll wait. Oh, you would like to know why Nebraska was so underrated? BECAUSE THEY AREN'T IN THE SEC! Also, I can promise you if Alabama was hit in the mouth like Nebraska hit Texas, they probably wouldn't have recovered. Their QB doesn't have the experience or the talent.
Now, Texas isn't without their chinks in the armor. I'd say Texas has issues along its offensive line and Bama has a fantastically speedy and pushing defense. Texas also has a very miniature run game when compared to Alabama, however Colt McCoy might be a better all around QB than Vince Young, and remember what he did to USC a few years ago? Boy, I do. That was also the team Texas wasn't suppose to beat. With Colts talent and smarts and Texas' kicky fast receiving corps lead by my personal man crush Jordan Shipley; I see the advantage going to Texas. It might be the only spot where they edge each other out a bit, WR and DB play on either side of the ball... except Bama doesn't throw.
The biggest disparity lies in special teams. And this is something I am wondering why ESPN won't tell me over and over like they have about how Colt and Jordan are roommates and Ingram's daddy be all up in "jail 'n shit". I thought they did sports analysis, but I might be wrong.
Alabama's kick and punt coverage SUCKS. Seriously. It blows. This is from before the season. Guess what, nothing has changed. It still sucks. And Texas has two of the best if not THE BEST kick returners in the country in DJ Monroe and J. Shipley. This is where I think Texas wins the game. I think 'Bama is forced to punt late and old Jordan, Mr. Colt's Roommate, takes it 60 yards to the house for a final score of 17-0.
That's it. That is my prediction.
TEXAS 17
ALABAMA 0
BOOOOM!
For this rest of us, this is a topic solely about that subject. Sit back hater, let Daddy Stal learn you a few things. Trust me, it will make girls like you.
The Number One Ranked Alabama Crimson Tide (yes, this is their nickname and I guess mascot)? will face the Number Two Ranked University of Texas Longhorns (again, slightly phallic, but hey this is football!).
If you are an idiot you think that Alabama is going to run away and hide on Texas and that Colt McCoy (I defy you to find a better name for a Quarterback from Texas) and his burnt orange brosephes shouldn't have even gotten on the plane headed from Austin to sunny California. The reason you think this is because ESPN, Sports Illustrated, USA Today and several other media outlets have crowned SEC football the "BEST CONFERENCE IN THE WORLD" and every other conference is awful. If they had it their way, Notre Dame, USC, Utah, Boise State and sometimes TCU would also be playing in the SEC so they would never have to talk about any other Men's Division 1 College football team ever again.( Want proof? Here ya go That is thinly veiled tongue in cheek provided by big 12 Alum Pat Forde... what a tool.)
But there is a problem with that. Probably because it is retarded. While Alabama is ranked 1 in the BCS Standings they are only ranked so because they trounced a highly over-hyped Florida team that was riding the Tim Tebow train until he ran out of Jesus Juice because he used it all to subdue the poor little African kids last summer before whacking off the tips of their wieners. Don't believe me? Well, you , son, have some googling to do. Regardless, Alabama hasn't dominated their conference. Sure, they went unbeaten, but so did Cincy and you saw what FLA did to them, right? Probably not. All I'm saying is that there were two teams, Tennessee and Auburn, who gave Alabama a run for their money and nobody seems to be talking about it. I wonder why? Oh yeah, because the Crucified Jesus a few weeks ago.
And not only did they nail the holy Tebow to the tree, on the same night the Number 2 ranked Texas Longhorns Men's football team sat in a giant stadium in Dallas and watched some boy named Suh tear up their offensive line and make McCoy look like a rag doll. And how did that shell shocked team respond? They won the fucking game. But Mike, sir, they were suppose to win that game! Oh fuck you, Alabama would have been in the same boat. Nebraska's Defense was unstoppable. Probably the most underrated defense in the country. Now ask me why that is? Go ahead. I'll wait. Oh, you would like to know why Nebraska was so underrated? BECAUSE THEY AREN'T IN THE SEC! Also, I can promise you if Alabama was hit in the mouth like Nebraska hit Texas, they probably wouldn't have recovered. Their QB doesn't have the experience or the talent.
Now, Texas isn't without their chinks in the armor. I'd say Texas has issues along its offensive line and Bama has a fantastically speedy and pushing defense. Texas also has a very miniature run game when compared to Alabama, however Colt McCoy might be a better all around QB than Vince Young, and remember what he did to USC a few years ago? Boy, I do. That was also the team Texas wasn't suppose to beat. With Colts talent and smarts and Texas' kicky fast receiving corps lead by my personal man crush Jordan Shipley; I see the advantage going to Texas. It might be the only spot where they edge each other out a bit, WR and DB play on either side of the ball... except Bama doesn't throw.
The biggest disparity lies in special teams. And this is something I am wondering why ESPN won't tell me over and over like they have about how Colt and Jordan are roommates and Ingram's daddy be all up in "jail 'n shit". I thought they did sports analysis, but I might be wrong.
Alabama's kick and punt coverage SUCKS. Seriously. It blows. This is from before the season. Guess what, nothing has changed. It still sucks. And Texas has two of the best if not THE BEST kick returners in the country in DJ Monroe and J. Shipley. This is where I think Texas wins the game. I think 'Bama is forced to punt late and old Jordan, Mr. Colt's Roommate, takes it 60 yards to the house for a final score of 17-0.
That's it. That is my prediction.
TEXAS 17
ALABAMA 0
BOOOOM!
