Let's hear 'em, suckas

Discussion in 'Films, TV, Music, Books, Etc.' started by MattAY, Nov 17, 2010.

  1. Longo_2_guns

    Longo_2_guns Forum Moderator
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    What's the difference between a bench and a nigger?
    A bench can support a family

    How do you fit 100 jews in a car?
    Two in front, two in back, the rest in the ashtray

    What do you call a black pilot?
    Captain, you fucking racist.

    What do a fat chick and a load of bricks have in common?
    Sooner or later they'll be laid by a Mexican.
     
    #21
  2. Eyebrowsbv31

    Eyebrowsbv31 Rookie

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    #22
  3. UrbanMasque

    UrbanMasque Everyone Wears a Mask

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    ....
    [​IMG]
    ....
     
    #23
  4. GRColin

    GRColin Rookie

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    Even your jokes degrade women.

    Although it was kinda funny.
     
    #24
  5. keepithowitis

    keepithowitis Rookie

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    An old pilot walks into a Starbucks. He orders a coffee and sits at a table to enjoy it. A few minutes later, a woman walks over and sits across from him. "Are you really a pilot?" the woman asks. "Well, I suppose so," the pilot says. "I flew for five years in World War II, delivering troops, dropping supplies, and supporting fire for the bombers. I flew for a private airliner after the war, and it was only six years ago that I retired. What about you?" The woman got up to get her coffee, then came back and sat down. "I'm a lesbian," the girl explained. "When I wake up in the morning, I think about naked girls. While I take a shower, I think about naked girls. While driving to work, while in meetings, while at lunch, and even when I sleep, I am always thinking about naked girls." "Oh." the pilot said. The two of them sat drinking their coffee for a few minutes more, until a college student came and sat down next to them. "Are you really a pilot?" the student asked. The pilot replied, "Well, son, I thought I was, but I just discovered I'm a lesbian."

    ba dum kshhh!
     
    #25
  6. WickedLiquid

    WickedLiquid Regular

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    Are you eating? If yes then don't read this joke.


    Two gay men are having sex. Suddenly the phone rings and the one giving says "oh man, I really have to get that! I'm sorry, don't cum, I'll be right back'. He goes to answer the phone then when he comes back he sees the sheets are covered in semen.

    The who was giving it says "WTF? I told you not to cum till I got back!"
    The one who was receiving replies "I didn't cum, I farted."
     
    #26
  7. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    Here's one from a girl on my other forum:

    "What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch?
    A seizure salad. ha! "
     
    #27
  8. MattAY

    MattAY Forum Moderator
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    ^ Haha! Best one so far.

    Closely followed by Urban's 'iron my shirt' joke!

    I have one:

    Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

    Priest: "What have you done my child?"

    Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

    Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

    Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

    Girl: "Yes father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

    Girl: "Yes father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

    Girl: "Yes father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

    Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

    Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

    Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
     
    #28
  9. Rakon

    Rakon Rookie

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    Knock Knock

    Who's there?

    Owls

    Owls Who

    That's right, owls do hoo!


    Thank you, thank you all so much
     
    #29
  10. Wes

    Wes Rookie

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    Lenny was in the arctic drifting in his kayak when he felt cold. He lit a fire to keep himself warm but it sank into the water. Proving you can't have your kayak and heat it to

    Lenny came into work with a smile on his face.
    "Why so happy?" A co-worker asked.
    'Someone complimented me on my driving yesterday!" Lenny said with delight. "Yeah, when I got to my car there was a note that said 'Parking fine'."

    Lenny's neighbour looked like she was in a lot of pain.
    "What's wrong?" Asked Lenny.
    "My arm hurrts in several places." She said.
    "Well don't go there anymore!"
     
    #30
  11. Eyebrowsbv31

    Eyebrowsbv31 Rookie

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  12. Lien

    Lien Rookie

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    "I get more p**** then a tampax"
    "that's cute... did you just made that one up?"
    "Well... i had to pull some strings"

    Thank you! I'll be here all week!
    *looks around, taps microphone*
     
    #32
  13. stevedave

    stevedave Rookie

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    A grasshopper walks into a bar.
    The bartender says, "Hey, do you know we have a drink named after you?"
    The grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Murry?"
     
    #33
  14. WickedLiquid

    WickedLiquid Regular

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    Why did the polygamist cross the road?
    To get to the other bride.

    Why did the black man cross the road?
    To get to the chicken that's fried.

    Why did the stoner lick the toad?
    To break on through to the other side.

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Because his friends called him chicken.
     
    #34
  15. GiftedMonkey

    GiftedMonkey Rookie

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    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    9/11.

    9/11 who?

    You said you'd never forget.
     
    #35
  16. Chris_Crime

    Chris_Crime Rookie

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    ^^ yowch!
     
    #36
  17. DocMoc

    DocMoc Rookie

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    A group of bacteria walked into a bar and the bar tender asked them to leave stating that they were not welcome.

    The bacteria replied, "but we're staph..."
     
    #37
  18. Green_Lantern

    Green_Lantern Forum Moderator
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    What's the worst part about 4 black people in an Astrovan falling off a cliff?
    An Astrovan can hold 8
     
    #38
  19. UrbanMasque

    UrbanMasque Everyone Wears a Mask

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    did you come up with that?!!? thats fucking money!
     
    #39
  20. Robmiester

    Robmiester Rookie

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    a jew, a mexican and a black man all walk into a bar

    the bartender says

    get the fuck out of here
     
    #40

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