Last time on Bitches be crazy...

[Optimus-Crime]

http://www.gamerevolution.com/forum/vie ... hp?t=22357
Icepick was blindsided by a blind date--wordplay I had not first noticed--with a chick who was all cray cray.

I got blindsided by a blind date last night, not cool. My two friends decided to play match maker with someone who "is perfect for you." Now I hate socializing, I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but I hate people as a general rule. Add in the pain from my arm and these meds that are making me feel like shit, I had little hope that this would turn out alright.

When we got there, she was actually pretty attractive to be honest, but she was already shitfaced at the bar. Not a good start, seeing as she was already 3 sheets to the wind, we figured we'd go grab something to eat, and that's when the bucket of crazy was dumped on my head.

She let out a few subtle signs of being nuts on the trip over there, overly affectionate to a man she just met, and apparently she showers with her cat. I'm already in cold shoulder mode, I want nothing to do with this lush, but I can't be an ass seeing as my so called friends worked to set this up.

Fortunately, I didn't have to end it, she did it for me. While arguing over what kind of pizza to get, she starts getting pissed because we aren't eager to grab a vegan pizza. She was going on and on about how she's superior because of her vegan lifestyle, along with subtle hints that she feels men are inferior.

I suggest she just gets an individual slice, and we'll get whatever the 3 of us want. She snaps, saying it wont work if I wont partake in her lifestyle, and I finally had enough. I explain how she's full of shit about being vegan because she wants a cheese pizza, vegans don't eat cheese. What started was a rant of epic proportions with classic lines like "Don't tell me about my lifestyle, I know what it is" and "You can't control me, you're clearly a psycho who wants a woman to bend to his will." The rant was so loud and long that the owner came over to ask us to leave, which just pissed her off more. It eventually concluded with me having a pepsi thrown in my face and her storming out.

Long story short, what does GR like on their pizza?

"Hawaiian!" shouted Lien, totally no selling the blind date story.
"I'm cool with just cheese or pepperoni, but I won't eat anything without garlic dipping sauce," added Rakon. "THAT is my real favourite pizza topping." Rakon would also mention that, yes, bitches be crazy.

And that's when Ugh made his presence known. Ugh, with the most telling of scars. Ugh, that is the seed of power. Ugh, that is the inheritor of the horrible hoary hammer of the gods. Ugh, the one who is destined to vanquish all evil and, if he so wished, bring it all back again. UGH.
UGHROCHESTER.
"THE GIRLS WHO I WANT TO FUCK ME GIRLS FUCK ME GIRLS ARE THE GIRLS I LIKE THE MOST!" he moistfully bellowed, happily shouting every sentence he managed to piece together.

MattAY, like a giant Burmese leopard eating snake basking in front of our piggish faces like a poem, charmingly adds,

"Anything can go on my pizza except pineapple and anchovies."

Sourdeez, for once, feels in tune with the natural universe. Psychically linked with the beautiful snake being, having dreamt himself of eating leopards, boars, dik diks, Sourdeez, with the social grace of a saint, sees himself in MattAY. It is a beautiful moment, indeed. Like looking at his image in the mirror, it is a perfect moment.

But LinksOcarina notices some action, and runs over to spoil it!
The terrible reader spills his ass into the thread:

Plain is fine for me.

And yeah, that sounded like a shitty date all around.

And what do you know, dear reader? Providence must have shined on Sourdeez this day for the team of Icepick and intoTheRain come in bro-ing it up, completely ignoring LinksOcarina's comments.
LinksOcrarina was hit palpably with shame.

"Except onions ," Dobby2244 commanded, her throat rasped without its usual gravy lube. Realizing her throat was foodless, Dobby2244 leaves exiting for the kitchen.

Sensing a topic derailment, a phantom of fear falls across the faces of others. These sort of happenings quite often end in failure. Something bad is bound to happen.

The flood gate opened.
Italian sausages, shrimp, feta,broccoli, pepperoni, extra garlic salt!

"ENOUGH!" danielrbischoff lamented. "Now I have to order pizza."

With the room in accord and the congregation gathered, the entire GR populous supped on pizza of various huts.

The next morning a miraculous event unfolds. Looking to make amends for the prior day's gaffe, LinksOcarina suggests

We should open up a pizza parlor.

This idea makes its way through the jungle of consciousness just as a veritable fountain of turbine-propelled posts issue forth upon the thread!
This is it! This is the non sequitur the thread was waiting for! What it was always meant to be! Oh, how the wine talks!

But, oh no! Optimus-Crime coudln't make it through the tiny door! Even impeded by the onslaught of positive postings, the now totally bonkers Optimus-Crime crashes down on the thread! The thread that would have been is now a sad display. Optimus-Crime, at the drunken bottom of the depression well, and his once formidable foe, mindless and flailing.

Longo_2_guns takes a sip off of what has to be whiskey and hands the flask to Optimus-Crime. Optimus-Crime takes a giant pull. And then Longo says, "Let's get out of here.
You like flying motorcycles?"
"Anything's better than crawling."
They both laugh and hold their bellies, like two Santas on opposite ends of the scale. Optimus-Crime gathers up his worn out jokes and stuff that he wants to take with him.







I can't open the other topic. I can't prune out those posts. I wish I could. This will have to do.

 

[Sourdeez]

Man I dont normally say this to other men, But I love you.

Reading this had be laughing to hard :lol:

Its this kind of community that will keep me around for a long time.

 

[Optimus-Crime]

Cool. That actually means a lot.

I still very much want that gelato pizza sign spinning gig if the position's still up for grabs.

 

[MattAY]

No one has ever called me anything more beautiful. I also love you Crhis.

 

[UghRochester]

Chris, I'm confused! I never typed a sentence horribly wrong like that.

 

[Icepick]

I'm too high for this topic

 

[Affen]

Could somebody sum up this topic for me?

 

[Optimus-Crime]

I had spammed up Icepick's other topic--not purposefully.
From either using ascii bullet points or maybe too many [size] commands, I received an error upon submitting.
That topic was locked.

A simple fix would be to close this topic, re-open and prune the other.

This topic is my mea culpa and workaround. But it's Icepick's original topic in spirit.

 

[used44]

I forgot to post how much Ugh's reply made me laugh / grossed me out.

Hit it and quit it, guys.

 

[danielrbischoff]

I'm too high for this topic

I suspect Chris was just high enough for this topic.

I also love you Chris. This is the best thing to have ever come from a locked thread.

 

[Affen]

I had spammed up Icepick's other topic--not purposefully.
From either using ascii bullet points or maybe too many [size] commands, I received an error upon submitting.
That topic was locked.

A simple fix would be to close this topic, re-open and prune the other.

This topic is my mea culpa and workaround. But it's Icepick's original topic in spirit.

Hmm.. I was hoping that this topic would go on for a few pages and you could do a sum up/re-enactment topic of your sum up topic, but this will do for now.

Now where were we. Oh right.. Pizza! P-I-Z-Z-A

 

[Lien]

So... how was the Hawaiian?

 

[Icepick]

So, seeing as my original topic was locked due to someone being over zealous with their posting, I'll throw a small update in

Crazy bitch has been calling me, started at 11 last night, I assume she was drunk then, but I've gotten a couple of texts and 3 missed calls since then

She's apparently very sorry and would like to go for dinner to make up for it. She wants to head to some fancy restaurant, one that requires you to dress all fancy and what not, apparently she wants me to look my best when she throws a glass of 20 year old wine in y face.

I said yes, which made her squeal with excitement, she's off to get gussied up apparently. I'm sitting in my boxers eating cheeto's and playing some saints row, and in about 4 hours I'll still be doing the same thing, as I await a phone call from a manicured woman sitting alone in a restaurant screaming about what an asshole I am.

Any suggestions on how to make this worse?

 

[Icepick]

update: So with some help from Dobby, I'm thinking after having her wait there for a bit, and encouraging her to have a few drinks while she waits for me to show up, I'll phone the restaurant and tell them I'm running a bit late, and to send the meals to the table.

Now, keeping in mind she's a vegan, I'm thinking veal. The problem is I want to be there to see the expression on her face after she's drunk and has a plate full of baby cow dropped infront of her, I suppose the angry phone call will have to suffice

 

[MattAY]

Haha!

I dont think you can make it any sweeter. The only thing I can think of is when she rings asking where you are, fart down the phone.

 

[Affen]

 

[Longo_2_guns]

After an hour or so tell her she got the restaurants mixed up and send her to a nearby crappy Mexican place instead. Go in and prepay the Mariachis to play for her for two hours. Or simply hire Mariachis to go to the first restaurant in your stead.

Mariachis are hilarious.

 

[Icepick]

After an hour or so tell her she got the restaurants mixed up and send her to a nearby crappy Mexican place instead. Go in and prepay the Mariachis to play for her for two hours. Or simply hire Mariachis to go to the first restaurant in your stead.

Mariachis are hilarious.

she chose the place, so I can't pull that off

now, this is the menu
http://www.rolands.ca/dinner

I'm trying to figure out what would be the most traumatic to a vegan, I figured the veal but really the options are endless

edit: sending some fancy wine to the table is a must, and the $10 addon for the tiger shrimp, I want that shit piled high ontop of her slaughtered baby cow

 

[NickKmet]

hahahaha. You better hope she's not actually that crazy, because she might try to kill you.

 

[Icepick]

hahahaha. You better hope she's not actually that crazy, because she might try to kill you.

well from my first experience I'm positive she's shy a few tools in her shed

Being the high maintenance girl she is, she's off getting her hair done right now for what she thinks will be a nice evening. Her friends, my buddies GF just text me thanking me for giving her a second chance