Let's hear 'em, suckas

[MattAY]

Maaan politics is boring for me! And I see nothing but politics threads that are active.

Let's lighten up! Tell me a joke. Any joke! Good...bad....bad jokes that are good because they're bad...rapey jokes. Plus, I'm bored at work. I'm manning the fort and answering phones, that's bullshit man! I'm no secretary, that job is for the hos yo!

........I'll start off,

A man walks into a mental asylum wearing nothing but see-through pants....a doctor walks up to him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts".

>applause< thankyouuuuu

 

[Bretimus_v2]

What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing about twenty-seven year olds?



There's twenty of them.

 

[Kijan]

Grandchild: Grandma, did you see my pills somewhere? LSD is written on them.

Grandma: Fuck those pills boy! Do you see that tree eating the fucking sky?!

 

[UghRochester]

Look to the left of this post.

 

[Green_Lantern]

3 guys are in a cafe

one says: I've got the smallest arm in the world!

another says: I've got the smallest head in the world!

last one says: ive got the smallest dick in the world!

the 3 guys go to Guinness World Records.

first one goes first and returns happy: I've really got the smallest arm in the world!

second returns happy too: I've really got the smallest head in the world!

last one returns angry and screams: WHO THE FUCK IS JUSTIN BIEBER?!

 

[UghRochester]

EDIT: I said nothing.

 

[Icepick]

what do you call an ethiopian with a yeast infection

quarter pounder with cheese

 

[GiftedMonkey]

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think its the ARRRR but it's really the CCCCCC!

 

[Eyebrowsbv31]

In the spirit of Mattay's joke: A pirate is walking around with a big pirates wheel attached to his crotch. someone walks up after see this and asks what it's all about, and the pirate says "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"

 

[UrbanMasque]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"


..Thank you.

 

[LinksOcarina]

What do you call a black priest?

Holy crap

 

[De-Ting]

A guy walks into a bar and says "ouch!"

 

[MattAY]

Haha, these are golden!

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.

 

[Eyebrowsbv31]

^actually that's a urban myth. We used pencils as well. We had the money and the resources to make a pen like that and they didn't.

Capitalism 1 communism nil.


Okay okay, best joke of the day:

Why don't cannibals eat hippies:

Ever try to clean one of those mother fuckers?!

 

[Lien]

The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits.
The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame."

Ba dum tish!

 

[Green_Lantern]

My all time favorite...

So a baby seal walks into a club...

 

[used44]

I was all excited this wasn't another political topic but then it turns out this topic sucks too. Back to the gaming forums I goooooooooooooooooo...

 

[MattAY]

You suck.

There's just nooooooooooooo pleasing you.... Unless I suck....ah....

 

[UrbanMasque]

A ham & turkey club walks into a biker bar, and asks the bartender for a Gin & Tonic.

The Bartender looks at the sandwich and says, "I'm sorry buddy, but we don't serve food here."

 

[used44]

Bahaha. Food.