What do you do?

[Delorean88]

This Sunday I was going back home from campus for another doctor's appointment on Monday and I called one of my best friends from high school to let him know I was in town and we should hang out. Long story short he told me he just got out of the hospital because he recently attempted suicide, he's feeling better but he was in the hospital for five days. He I was thinking I was going thru a tough time after finding out I have lupus and after seeing the doctor today possibly a kidney disease. He's my best friend from high school and I admit I could do better to keep in touch but its just......... I never thought someone I knew would ever consider doing that..... I didn't know how to take it or even what to say to him. We're going to hang out when I get in town but I'm worried that I'm not going to behave properly that I'll be too sympathetic or not sympathetic enough.

I bring this up only because I was wondering if any of you have had someone close attempt suicide. What did you do? I want to be there for him and I want to help, I admit I kind of blamed myself for a second. It's just weird.... He's a great friend and to think he was going thru such hardships that lead him to that and I had no idea. If he went thru with it I would have never known unless someone else informed me. What should I do? I want to help him, but how? Or is there any resources or websites I could help from.....

I'm not doing to have ya feel bad, but I just.... I wanna do this right and I figured someone might know something here...

 

[Green_Lantern]

I would just ignore it - act like that never happened, unless he brings it up. No need to treat him any differently than you normally would. That's just me though.

 

[danielrbischoff]

Just be yourself and listen as much as possible. Unless what you should say is clear, keep listening. If you're unsure of what to say, just try to be comfortably silent. React, as opposed to overact or act out.

Or fuck, just make fart noises and do silly shit. Keep it light but care.

 

[Icepick]

I was institutionalized for 3 days when I attempted suicide. Act normal as everyone said, in no way should you over sympathize or treat him like he's a fragile object, it'll only make him feel worse and more isolated from what he perceives as "normal" people

the worst part was people acted differently, always asking how I'm feeling, double and triple checking to make sure I was ok with things, if we were out at a bar for example "you're sure you're having a good time?" shit like that

 

[Bretimus_v2]

Suicide can blindside you. I've had a lot of experiences with it in my life. My best friend committed suicide right before 10th grade. It was bizarre. On Friday, we had a sleep over to plan a camping trip for Spring Break, pooled a bunch of money together for that, just had a kick ass teenage weekend. I worked most of Saturday and then Sunday night I got the phone call from his parents. It still bothers me to this day, and I still miss him. He was awesome. Funny, intelligent, and an all around good guy.

It can be anyone and it can appear completely "out-of-nowhere". Or it can also be ominously foreshadowed. Either way, hindsight always seems like it's 20/20. But the point is suicide is something that happens and profoundly impactful on everyone related.

The important thing is that you don't blame yourself and that you don't blame him. People attempt/commit suicide for lots of different reasons and it's usually a lot more complicated then "I'm so sad" or "forever alone". I don't think trying to sympathize and be all "I've been down too" is the right way to go about it. What he feels is profoundly personal. Play it at his speed.

But more importantly, he needs professional help (emphasis on help...it's not a negative thing to see a counselor/psychiatrist) and he needs support (not pushing). On top of that, he doesn't need people to cheer lead him through life either, he needs to find a place within himself where he can accept and be happy with himself. He needs someone who can objectively and carefully help him find and pinpoint where his needs aren't being met and find a way to do so healthily. In most cases, getting help from qualified professionals is the best thing for suicide attempters. I saw it change another good friend's life after a failed attempt. And although he has always held it against his family/friends that they sent him to get the necessary help, I can also note that he never tried it again and is in a much better emotional and mental state.

Everybody needs help at some point in their life for something (suicide related or not), but we are also usually to ashamed/prideful to admit it.

Be there for him, let him know you care. And after careful consideration, find a sincere and caring way to approach him about getting help.

 

[intoTheRain]

It's an extremely hard situation to deal with, that's for sure. All you can really do is be a good friend and be supportive. You cannot do anything to help other than that.

 

[MattAY]

I would just ignore it - act like that never happened, unless he brings it up. No need to treat him any differently than you normally would. That's just me though.

True dat! This was my initial thought. Thankfully I've never had this situation before. Just have a pleasant drink and catch up on old times, don't need to even think about his state of mind really.

 

[UghRochester]

Suicide can blindside you. I've had a lot of experiences with it in my life. My best friend committed suicide right before 10th grade. It was bizarre. On Friday, we had a sleep over to plan a camping trip for Spring Break, pooled a bunch of money together for that, just had a kick ass teenage weekend. I worked most of Saturday and then Sunday night I got the phone call from his parents. It still bothers me to this day, and I still miss him. He was awesome. Funny, intelligent, and an all around good guy.

It can be anyone and it can appear completely "out-of-nowhere". Or it can also be ominously foreshadowed. Either way, hindsight always seems like it's 20/20. But the point is suicide is something that happens and profoundly impactful on everyone related.

The important thing is that you don't blame yourself and that you don't blame him. People attempt/commit suicide for lots of different reasons and it's usually a lot more complicated then "I'm so sad" or "forever alone". I don't think trying to sympathize and be all "I've been down too" is the right way to go about it. What he feels is profoundly personal. Play it at his speed.

But more importantly, he needs professional help (emphasis on help...it's not a negative thing to see a counselor/psychiatrist) and he needs support (not pushing). On top of that, he doesn't need people to cheer lead him through life either, he needs to find a place within himself where he can accept and be happy with himself. He needs someone who can objectively and carefully help him find and pinpoint where his needs aren't being met and find a way to do so healthily. In most cases, getting help from qualified professionals is the best thing for suicide attempters. I saw it change another good friend's life after a failed attempt. And although he has always held it against his family/friends that they sent him to get the necessary help, I can also note that he never tried it again and is in a much better emotional and mental state.

Everybody needs help at some point in their life for something (suicide related or not), but we are also usually to ashamed/prideful to admit it.

Be there for him, let him know you care. And after careful consideration, find a sincere and caring way to approach him about getting help.

This. I too had a friend, not my best friend, but someone I worked with. 4 years ago, while I was in high school, is when I found out he committed suicide. I was texting his sister (she worked with me at that time). She told me her brother died earlier that day. I thought it was a joke and kept telling her she's joking. Few messages later, I knew she wasn't. I felt real bad (still do) for not believing her, because he was someone that wouldn't suspect to be suicidal. He had everything, a loving family that was pretty wealthy and bunch of friends he hanged out with. They would all come to McDonald's everyday. It was just unexpected.

The most you can do is what Bret and others said. Be caring, but not too caring. Let them know you're there for that person.

 

[Master_Craig]

[Edit] - This post was supposed to go on another thread. I am very sorry to post in the wrong thread, I feel like a huge dumb ass, especially regarding this manner. My apologies.

 

[Sightless]

I don't know if I'm too late to respond...

I actually think that if your friend openly told you about what happened, then you should be honest. If you haven't properly responded in the way that you want, for him to know that you are going to be there for him, then say it. I don't know how the phone call went, but sometimes people do want to talk about it, and it makes it easier for them to know that they can talk if you just say it outright. Otherwise, they may also be thinking that it's wiser for them to shut it down.

Being honest also includes saying other things; I don't believe it's wrong or inconsiderate to say that you might feel some responsibility for what happened. If that's the sort of thing you would tell this friend normally, for any different situation, then do so. I never think it's bad to clear up misunderstandings.

Most importantly, be respectful of people taking things in their own time. Make it clear that you're receptive to talking, but this doesn't have to be an issue.

Like many suggest, I think one of the worst things you could do is to dwell on it, and not allow him to feel like there's normality after such an event. It's terrible to feel like something like that defines you, that you can't move on from it.

On the professional help front, I remain neutral. It can certainly help people in various ways, but it's still one of those things that I truly consider to be case-by-case. Either way, Bret hit it right on when he emphasized that it has to be your friend who makes decisions and comes to conclusions. Having anyone else make judgments isn't going to help.


I'm sorry that you and your friend are going through this. It's tough when you can't fully know the other person's thoughts. I sincerely hope everything works out.

 

[Delorean88]

Thanks everyone for the advice, sorry to put a bummer on the forums I just never experienced something like this before and because of it's severity I want to make sure I don't go in without any knowledge. On campus there's an office that provides help for stuff like this and I plan to go to get advice. I know I shouldn't hold myself responsible but I feel like if I do things right he won't try again. Thank you GR, these forums are hope for the internet. We can go back to talking about farts, why Wicked copied Used's game, how Matt likes asian girls... The usual. If anyone wants to still say something that's fine, I'll take more advice

 

[MattAY]

HOW I like asians?...

WELL it began when I was 14...

I saw this girl in my class called Hiu Ying...she was actually in my form. I started noticing how beautiful her eyes were, and how cute her cheeks were. And how great her rack was. I started to fancy her. I always sat opposite her in my science class...in fact she was in my little experiment team! We got to know each other a little and we had nice, little exchanges of conversation varying from friendship to a little flirting. She introduced me to Pokemon, I watched her play it, but never actually played the game myself (still remains a fact to this day). One day, we were having lunch on the grass with our friends. A pleasant summer's day on a grassy knoll - romantic right?! I had finished the Billy Bear sandwiches, along with my crisps and kit-kat. I had a yoghurt left...a vanilla yoghurt I might add, I went to open it and BLAM! It was one of those openings where the yoghurt splats everywhere!

...and it went all over her face!

 

[WickedLiquid]

I got Used permission before I started the Name That Movie JUST FOR THE RECORD.

Although I do have to do his laundry every week.


As for your situation, everyone pretty much summed up what I would've said. Your friend attempted suicide, which is something nobody can really understand except him. But in the end he chose to live.

The thing about suicide is that people really don't want to die. We're instinctive creatures and there's something inside us that fights to live. When people commit suicide it's because the problems in their life are so overwhelming that they don't see any other way to deal with it than to kill themselves. If there's a way to address the problems that pushed the person to this point then it'll be easier for the guy to get back on his feet.

But like others said, just play it cool and don't bring it up unless he wants to talk about it. For all you know alienation could be one of his problems and you don't want to make him feel "crazy" by addressing his issues if he doesn't want to talk about it.