WTF universe?

[De-Ting]

So you fall asleep with two blankets on, but you wake up with only the one on top?

So you look for something in one area, can't find it for the life of you, but the first person you ask to help you finds it right away, in the area you were just looking?

So no matter how hard or how long you try to open a stubborn jar, the next person to try can open it without straining?

So all the healthiest things you can eat don't make your brain produce dopamine?

So if you're having an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime dream, someone or something will always wake you up in the middle of it, without fail?

So sneezing, peeing, orgasms, and other completely necessary bodily functions all feel good, but excersising to stay fit hurts like hell?

So if you get very little sleep one night, you won't be able to fall asleep the next?

 

[C_nate]

Not that I'd ever need it cause I'm a burly, brawny, manly man, but for stubborn jar lids, run it under hot tap water for 30 seconds and you'll pop that sucker off with ease!

 

[Bretimus_v2]

Not that I'd ever need it cause I'm a burly, brawny, manly man, but for stubborn jar lids, run it under hot tap water for 30 seconds and you'll pop that sucker off with ease!

Such manliness

 

[used44]

What's with Parallel Synchronized Randomness, as it's called in "Science of Sleep"? You're walking toward someone and you sidestep to get out of their path and they sidestep in the same direction and then you both correct into each others paths again and again. Eventually you're forced to make eye contact and actually read each other's body language to get out of the way.

 

[Sourdeez]

So if you get very little sleep one night, you won't be able to fall asleep the next?

I remember growing up hearing the myth that if you stayed up past 4 days you would die if you went to sleep. Childhood is funny like that.

 

[De-Ting]

What's with Parallel Synchronized Randomness, as it's called in "Science of Sleep"? You're walking toward someone and you sidestep to get out of their path and they sidestep in the same direction and then you both correct into each others paths again and again. Eventually you're forced to make eye contact and actually read each other's body language to get out of the way.

That reminds me. When I'm playing CoD, if I'm trying to take on people coming from two different lanes, someone always comes from the lane I was just watching the instant I look away, and shoots me dead.

 

[Green_Lantern]

People still play CoD?

 

[Longo_2_guns]

I think that's why the universe hates you.

 

[UrbanMasque]

Chaos Theory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZnsOZsA7_4

 

[De-Ting]

How come knobs, handles, and all manner of snagging objects are placed at the exact same height as your pockets or belt loops?

Why is it that some random negative occurrence, that could happen at any given time, only seems to happen when you really, really don't need it to?

So a 30 minute task at work takes 30 minutes, but a 30 minute break takes 5 minutes?

 

[WickedLiquid]

And what's the deal with everything causing cancer?

Use a cell phone? That causes cancer! Having a coke zero? That aspartame causes cancer. X-raying your genitals? Oh you better believe that's cancer.

 

[De-Ting]

Yeah, and now apparently my antacids are linked to Alzheimer's.

 

[Bretimus_v2]

You forgot the sun it causes cancer too.

 

[Sourdeez]

That big ball of light in the sky that brings you life? Yeah it is trying to fucking kill you!

 

[Bretimus_v2]

Vitamin D has its price.

 

[Longo_2_guns]

Vitamin D has its price.

According to Amazon, it's 10 bucks a bottle.

A small price to pay to never have to leave the house again.

 

[MattAY]

That and a bottle of fake tan, because I need to look good for me.

I went out on Saturday night with my friends, and they came back to my house. It's 4am so I'm going to bed. At 5am laying in bed with my gf sleeping, and a noise wakes me up - it's my friend knocking on the door. I ask him what's up, thinking it might be a little emergency. But he asks for the post code of the house to get a pizza delivery. He woke me and my gf up in the middle of the night for a post code - are you fucking kidding me?! I close the door in his face.

Even your friends in this universe can be arseholes!

 

[Green_Lantern]

You cock-blocked someone from a pizza? WTF Universe indeed.

 

[Moses-]

But did he get the pizza?! Wait where do you live that they deliver pizza 24/7 cause i'm packing my bags

Oh and everything else: that's not the universe that's your subconscious. But wait.... your consciousness is the universe! Mind blown.

 

[Bretimus_v2]

Was it some kind of British breakfast pizza?