Green_Lantern said:
Where can I unsubscribe from Madster facts?
Don't, it turns out he is 100% correct
The local sheriff has made a formal announcement at a press release, Dec 3rd, at 5 after 12., the announcement is as follows
"We are pleased to announce a conclusion to the investigation for the Paul Walker death. Initially when we arrived on the scene, and found a porsche swallowing a tree we assumed the subject was speeding, however we closely examined the evidence, namely this picture I googled
As you can clearly see, there are tell tale signs of speed being an issue, however this is an illusion. While sifting through the debris, my team of forensic investigators realized the emblem on the car was a Porsche, and from there we were easily able to ascertain the details of the incident. I ordered a halt to the operation and sent the investigators home. I quickly booted up my laptop and fired off an email to our Porsche expert, Madster, fortunately because he lives in his mothers basement, he was available for questioning, I have a recording of the phone call"
*loud crunching noises, probably cheesies followed by weazing*
"you men clearly know nothing, in the event of a crash at 4mph, or even a stiff breeze hitting it, the porsche carerra GT was built specifically to splinter off into two seperate, but equally important parts. *loud inhale followed by 3 minutes of cheesey crunching* The front section, upon this separation, sets out on it's main goal, which is to wrap itself around the closest poplar tree, and we can see here it performed as designed, the second group of the car then explodes into thousands of tiny parts and charred remains. This is actually a safety feature, it's designed to maim and injure anyone nearby with shrapnel so they're too busy dying to notice the shame you'll have of crashing your vehicle"
"Thanks to the tireless efforts of Madster working hand in hand with law enforcement, we were able to recreate the scene, and it would seem all evidence points to this being a tragic parallel parking incident, were the vehicle ever so slightly grazed some curbing."
The community, perhaps reeling from shock, formed a flash mob and set out to destroy all visible curbs and sidewalks as a result, it would appear that this tragedy may continue for some time