My dick served the side of justice today

Discussion in 'Films, TV, Music, Books, Etc.' started by Icepick, Nov 13, 2013.

  1. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    Normally when I tell you my exploits, I must admit I am not always the good guy... I'm never the good guy, but today my selfishness, lack of morals and general douchebaggary has served a godly purpose and removed a pedophile from the streets

    I've recently moved to a new building, it's nice, expensive, but only the finest crackheads are allowed to pass out in the alley behind the complex. It has a mix of young college students and childless families, prime pickings for my pork sword. 3 doors down is a slightly attractive housewife, who in during our first interaction in the laundry room tells me she is both, A) infertile, and B) neglected by her husband. Clearly my genitalia was already spinning like a helicopter.

    Over the course of the next two weeks we chat, she invites me over, I met her dude who is for lack of a better word, a tool, and after a couple more visits she invites me over for drinks, yet husband is no where to be found.

    Compared to my normal tales of debauchery, this one is relatively mild. No anal sex gone horrible, no tears and shit stained sheets. It was actually relatively bland, however, what came next is what's interesting. She wants to cuddle up and watch netflix, I can live with that. I haven't had a post coitus viewing of community in a while, and allison brie usually puts me right back in the mood. I boot up her husbands macbook. I notice a user admin labeled private." She says it's her husbands, and she thinks he's messaging some other woman, that's why it's password locked. Fuck watching community, I can break up a marriage, for more entertaining. Given my past job was a senior advisor at apple, I know apple has shit security, absolutely horrible. I log into the root user and reset the admins password in 2 minutes (how can their security still be this fucking bad?) and we log in. What was found was not love letters to a mistress, but child porn... roughly 3 gigs to be exact. Even Alison Brie wont get me up again. She is speechless, and seeing as I have nothing worthwhile to say on the matter, I merely state "that's fucked up" and with that I put on my pants and leave.

    Either the cops were waiting for him when he came home, or he got there and then she called them, I'm unsure, what I did see however was two police officers escorting him out of the building, and a third carrying his macbook, while he sobbed.

    I haven't talked to her in the two days since... uncovering someones kiddy porn stash makes for... less than enjoyable small talk, but know that Icepick has finally served his community in a positive way, and for that reason alone I believe we should have a annual celebration of this historic achievement
     
    #1
  2. MattAY

    MattAY Forum Moderator
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    Haha, that's the best story yet! Shagged his wife, then put him in jail - Gold.

    You are a man of honour.
     
    #2
  3. cyberjim2000

    cyberjim2000 Veteran

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    Icepick, you are my hero.
     
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  4. Optimus-Crime

    Optimus-Crime Rookie

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    You're doing God's work now.
     
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  5. UrbanMasque

    UrbanMasque Everyone Wears a Mask

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    If you didn't bang her.. you fail.
    Also, pics of the desperate housewife please.
     
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  6. LinksOcarina

    LinksOcarina Rookie

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    Only Icepick would look badass by assisting in the breakup of a marriage.
     
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  7. danielrbischoff

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    Wow, never thought I'd say this but... you're my hero.

    Don't know if I saw this on Reddit or in the awesome thread but relevant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqyOAx0kAKg

    I can't believe how fucking sick some people can be... and I can't believe said that in an Icepick thread and I'm not talking about Icepick!
     
    #7
  8. Lien

    Lien Rookie

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    And the role of Chris Hansen for the upcoming "to catch a predator" feature film will now be played by Icepick.
     
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  9. Gunner37

    Gunner37 Rookie

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    That is great.. had sex, broke up a marriage, and put a pedo away all in one fell swoop
     
    #9
  10. madster111

    madster111 Rookie

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    Only 3gb, huh?
     
    #10
  11. BlackStar

    BlackStar Rookie

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  12. MrHimashi

    MrHimashi Rookie

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  13. LinksOcarina

    LinksOcarina Rookie

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    holy shit...
     
    #13
  14. Master_Craig

    Master_Craig Forum Moderator
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    ]

    ^ Sums it up.
     
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