How to start an argument (with bad jokes)

C_nate

C_nate

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So this person with whom I am close decided to share with me a couple of "jokes" they got off facebook or something. This is an actual conversation.

Them: What does y-e-s spell?
Me: What?
Them: What does y-e-s spell?
Me: Yes.
Them: What does e-y-e-s spell?
Me: Eyes. Why?
Them: Oh, some people get confused by that. Okay what about this one: There are 30 cows in a field, 20 ate chickens. How many did not?

(Now in writing, the "joke" is obvious that 20 ate sounds like 28 so the person listening is thinking of the number instead)

Me: Did not what?
Them: There are 30 cows in a field, 20 ate chickens. How many did not?
Me: Did not? Did not what?
Them: How many did not?
Me: Look, I know this is supposed to be a clever play on words or something, but NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT. HOW MANY DID NOT? WRITE THAT SENTENCE OUT FOR A GRADE SCHOOL ENGLISH TEACHER AND SEE WHAT THEY THINK. THIS IS STUPID AND WHOEVER THOUGHT THIS WAS CLEVER IS AN ASSHOLE.
Them: Why are you raising your voice? It's just supposed to be a joke.
Me: No, it isn't. It's someone trying way too hard to be clever. Okay, I give up. 30 cows and 28 chickens did not what?
Them: (explains the joke)
Me: Are you serious right now? COWS DON'T EAT CHICKENS. THEY EAT GRASS. WHEN I ASKED YOU, "DID NOT WHAT?" THE ANSWER SHOULD HAVE BEEN, "HOW MANY COW DID NOT EAT CHICKENS?." BUT YOU COULDN'T GIVE ME A STRAIGHTFORWARD ANSWER CAUSE THEN IT RUINS THE TERRIBLE JOKE. LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION, "DID YOU GO?"
Them: Go where?
Me: DID YOU GO?
Them....
Me: YEAH, IT'S PRETTY HARD TO ANSWER A QUESTION WITHOUT ALL THE INFORMATION AT HAND. FUNNY HOW THAT WORKS.
Them: It was just some thing and you took it all serious and got upset Remind me not to share stuff with you anymore.
Me: I'm not even mad at you, it's just that that thing is trying so hard to be clever by being a play on words, but it doesn't work on any level at all and it's so offensively stupid that I want to make a facebook page just to find the person who thought that up to personally call them an asshole.
Them: Well, I'm mad at you so don't talk to me right now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So lets hear some stupid arguments you can't believe you got into.
 
I once had an argument with a friend because he asked me, why is it that nail clippers are banned at airports?

I had no idea, and it was the first time I ever heard of it. His mother went to the airport and she had nail clippers in her purse, she was forced to get rid of them at the security gate. He was asking me why they do that, I didn't have any idea (and I told him that) but I threw a couple of guesses out there.

"Maybe they're scared that someone could use it dangerously since it's a sharp, metallic object? Maybe they think someone could stab someone with it?"

He then laughed, said my suggestion was stupid and was basically mocking my response saying "So you're saying someone could use it as a weapon? What about a fork? You could stab someone with a plastic fork too." etc. It basically became a silly argument of "They could use a fork too, why not ban forks?"

I tried explaining that yeah, I thought it sounded silly too, but I don't know why they would take away nail clippers and surely enough, there is obviously a logical reason behind it, they aren't doing it for shits and giggles.

Dumbest argument ever.
 
This has nothing to do with the article, but I just want to post it here. I almost got someone to try and kick my ass. I was driving to the store at the of work. There's no traffic, so I'm in the passing lane doing the speed limit. There is one guy though behind. It's obvious he wanted to pass me since he went into the other lane and tried gaining speed. Meanwhile, I'm increasing my speed to. Wanted to see if he would race me. Once he got to 80mph on 40mph zone, he knew I wouldn't let him pass me. It just coincidence we went to the same store. He got out of his truck gave me the middle finger and started yelling at me. I was just laughing like The Joker.
 
UghRochester said:
This has nothing to do with the article, but I just want to post it here. I almost got someone to try and kick my ass. I was driving to the store at the of work. There's no traffic, so I'm in the passing lane doing the speed limit. There is one guy though behind. It's obvious he wanted to pass me since he went into the other lane and tried gaining speed. Meanwhile, I'm increasing my speed to. Wanted to see if he would race me. Once he got to 80mph on 40mph zone, he knew I wouldn't let him pass me. It just coincidence we went to the same store. He got out of his truck gave me the middle finger and started yelling at me. I was just laughing like The Joker.
Click to expand...

Might wanna be careful with that, man. There are some people out there who might be crazy and violent enough to actually want to give you trouble once you're both out of the car. That and you never know what someone is carrying in their car with them.

Won't say who, but "I know a guy" who was once driving after a long, stressful week at his difficult job. He was driving along and someone, driving like an idiot doing the wrong thing, gave him the finger and shouted at him. So this guy I know kept driving normally and surprisingly, he stopped behind the initial finger-giving guy, put his emergency lights on, got out of the car, walked up front to the other guy's car who happened to have his driving side window open. He then reached into the guy's car, grabbed him, and yelled at him right in his face. Needless to say, this fella will probably never give anyone the finger ever again.

I don't condone that behavior but my point is - people can get crazy. You never know. Be careful.

Were you speeding too? I ask this 'cuz the guy was apparently going 40mph in an 80mph road but couldn't pass you. Does that mean you were also speeding?

I'm not a fan of speeding. I try and stick to the speed limit and I'm quite strict about it. People drive like dick heads were I live. In the past month we've had over a dozen traffic collisions in our town (we're also a small population, just over 100k in people), two of these collisions of which have resulted in deaths... and people still drive the way they do.
 
I wasn't speeding until he tried passing me in the wrong lane. He accelerated and I accelerated too so we were neck to neck. I was just being an asshole and fully admit it. Yeah, you're right about people being crazy. That's why I keep my bow and arrows in my trunk. My batarang and slingshot in a middle compartment of my vehicle.
 
Ha, I do hate those jokes - like you say they defy logic but people think its funny that eight sounds like ate? Hardy fucking har - fucking grab a beer and live life a bit more.

Also Ugh, dont drive like a bellend.
 
I saw other YouTube videos of the E-Y-E-S. That wouldn't have fooled me at all. The cows eating 28 chickens got me the first couple times though. Which reminds me. There's a gameshow I watch when I go to my mom's called "Idiotest" which is pretty much these kind of jokes.
http://idiotest.gsntv.com/
 
Why does the guy in that link look like he's about to READ MY MIND instead of posing as a fake gameshow host?
 
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