Have you ever been caught jerking thread

Discussion in 'Archive' started by Minion-, Jun 14, 2008.

  1. Minion-

    Minion- Rookie

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    tell your stories!

    thought it'd be rather funny to hear some of them
     
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  2. Chris_Crime

    Chris_Crime Rookie

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    Finally! A thread where I can contribute!

    Okay, Once was got caught slapping my monkey by a Dallas Police Officer! YES, one of Dallas' finest caught me pinching the plantain to the roller coaster scene in Fear (the 90s movie starting Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon); in my defense this is a really hot scene, I've searched for it online to no avail and I've long had a thing for Mark Wahlberg...er, Reese Witherspoon.

    How? Why? What?! Those are all questions I refuse to answer!

    Anyways he seemed cool with it, meaning he didn't bust my balls about the situation at hand (as it were). He said, "I've seen that movie. That's a good movie," and I'm staring him back in the face with a "yeah it is pretty good..you know and I know you caught me bro" look on my face. He understood enough to leave the room. AW-KWARD.

    That's probably the best one I have.

    yes I know the officer

    Also, I once caught Mikey jerking off to pics of dead bodies. SOMEONE ELSE BETTER POST OR I'M DELETING THIS!

    Edit of what this will soon say:

    Nope, only the sad and demonic masturbate.
     
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  3. Yokiro

    Yokiro Regular

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    If I answer yes or no to this question I'm screwed!


    Well now, how could you tell the people were dead? Perhaps they were just sleeping, and pale, and gross? Or was it the gore addled decomposing kind that frightens kiddies and turns on Mikeys? (I think my neighbor Mikey went to jail because of this, except it was in the actual cemetary and those weren't pictures.)
     
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  4. madster111

    madster111 Rookie

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    TELL!!!

    that's perfectly normal, and in order to keep you here:

    once got caught in a shopping center (mall) carpark.
    i refuse to tell details because Chris isn't.
     
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  5. druglord

    druglord Novice

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    Just for the hell of it.
    Used to be a old habit of mine. Intil I got the coolest girlfriend.
    Well, I'm sorry to report, I was never caught.
     
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  6. Yokiro

    Yokiro Regular

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    Shhh, you're not supposed to be serious about this. Honesty is the first sign that points to insanity.
     
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  7. Mod-Chip

    Mod-Chip Rookie

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    Recently my girlfriend caught me jacking off when she came back from the shower. What ensued was a very nice blowjob and awesome sex. The other times I've been caught weren't so glamorous. My parents never learned how to knock so whenever I used to be masturbating I tried to frantically pull up the blanket on me. They tried to play that down by saying something trivial and then leaving but I knew they knew. The very same happened with my roommate during the first semester in college. Oh well.

    -BBK
     
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  8. BigZell2020

    BigZell2020 Rookie

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    Never, which is amazing since jacking off is as routine as eating for me...doors with locks dominate.
     
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  9. lokness

    lokness Rookie

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    I've never been caught, but i had this one time i was so close to being caught - a fraction of a second sooner and i would of been done.

    It was in the morning and i was kinda in the mood, so i throw in my favorite movie in the PS2. I was lying on my back with the sheets half way up for a quick 'getaway'. So i'm doing my business and then suddenly my mum comes in to give me the phone. The thing is, my door is kinda hard to open and it makes a really rough sound and you have to force it a bit to get it open. At this point i switch off the TV and throw the sheets up.

    She ask what i was doing, and i said i was playing games or watching TV, shrugs and hands me the phone.

    The timing was so close that it was almost hollywood, my heart was pounding non stop even after she left. I learned my lesson - Always do it at night.
     
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  10. jc00l

    jc00l Rookie

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    well i have never actually been caught, but i kinda of use a rag so i dont get my sheets all sticky. Well one day when my bedroom door was open my dog walked in picked it up and proceeded to take it to my parents room. As soon as my mom saw it she knew what it was and when i got home from school i had to pick it up and throw it down stairs while my mom and stepdad made jokes about it for the rest of the night.
     
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  11. jc00l

    jc00l Rookie

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    well this was and odd time to find out i have two accounts with virtually the same name :?
     
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  12. GiftedMonkey

    GiftedMonkey Rookie

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    Uhhhh, no.

    Let's hope it stays that way!
     
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  13. lokness

    lokness Rookie

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    WTF dude. its called tissue. They're disposable.

    How did you parents know, i cant really tell the difference.
     
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  14. kapow

    kapow Regular

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    once i was just starting to jerk it when suddenly a ladder comes up right outside my window, i stuff myself back into my pants just before a strange man comes climbing up, i open the window and ask who he is, he says he cleaning the gutters, i call my mom who of course forgot to tell me the gutter people were coming.

    so in about a minute and a half, i went from jerkin off to thinking my house was being broken into to being very annoyed/pissed at my mom
     
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  15. TheNesMan

    TheNesMan Rookie

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    No I have not but I've been incredibly close.
     
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  16. UrbanMasque

    UrbanMasque Everyone Wears a Mask

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    I wanna say that this thread is awesome.

    Mod - im with you, i have been caught by my girlfreind, but i didnt have as good of a time with the consequences as you did. more of a, "you didnt wanna have sex with me b/c you wanted to jerk off" type of talk... yea those arent fun.


    I WAS caught by my dad tho, but he never TOLD me he caught me - i figured it out later.... it was a very very shameful. silet. and embarassing week @ my house.

    Anyway: I had found my dads secret stash rubbed out to it regularly. then put the vhs back in the same spot, and rewound it back to the same point in the video at which i started it. So one Sat. morning [my dad worked nights] i rubbed one out and proceeded on with my day. Out and about playing with my freinds. I was about 2 miles from my house when i realized that I HAD LEFT THE TAPE IN THE VCR! My MOM WAS HOME AND MY DAD WAS ON HIS WAY HOME. [this is a potential life ender for a 15 yr old.] I knew i was doomed and it was too late - so instead of going right home, i stayed out until dark. I came home and ate at the dinner table and no one said a word......period. So i was waiting for the storm the next morning before church that never came. The next week i went back to the secret stash and the Tape was gone... hidden again. What i later realized was that my DAD found the tape in the VCR, and didnt tell my mom [ who never came across it], because she didnt know about his secret stash either. So what was he going to do? Tell her I found his porn collection he kept without her knowledge. nope. he was fuq'd. LoL. It was awkard for my dad for a while b/c he knew I knew he looked at porn, and it was awkard for me b/c i was waiting to be beaten to a pulp for almost a week and nothing happened, and my mom and brother were oblivious to the entire situation.
     
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  17. Longo_2_guns

    Longo_2_guns Forum Moderator
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    So, about a year ago, I got a new computer and proceeded to download a large mass of porn off limewire. Well, little did I know that one of the default settings automatically sends your shared folder to everyone on your wireless network. So a few days after getting set up, I was connected to limewire when my dad called me into the other room about his computer. One of the folders on his iTunes said Lukes Shared Folder and contained all my porn. And since I was unable to deny that it was all mine due to it having my name on it, I had to man up and admit that it was all mine.

    But I have been caught a couple times jacking off, but mostly I try to play it off with a cool pant lifting move.
     
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    Last edited: Jul 10, 2020
  18. MattAY

    MattAY Forum Moderator
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    pretty much the same thing happened to me - except it was a window cleaner.
     
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  19. Rakon

    Rakon Rookie

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    I was almost caught. My brother was walking downstairs, and I THINK I was quick enough to cover it up. He didn't say anything, so I'll never know...
     
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  20. jc00l

    jc00l Rookie

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    First of if i use tissues i just end up leaving them lying around my room.
    Second i am not really sure how my parents could tell i didn't really want to push the subject.
     
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