Blood, tears and prolapse, another Icepick tale

Discussion in 'Films, TV, Music, Books, Etc.' started by Icepick, May 7, 2013.

  1. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    My usual long winded, profanity laced style of writing will not be on display tonight, I'm too fucking tired. "Why are you so tired Icepick?" Because I spent the majority of the day comforting a friend in the hospital, all the while she's yelling at me about how I'm a horrible person.

    I've never made it a secret, I love a woman's backdoor, anal sex is literally telling the woman "I want to get my rocks off, but i also want you to walk funny for a few days" So when a lady friend said she wanted to try it, I was on it, like a wolf on a hare, just with slightly more high pitched screaming and blood. The day started off well enough, went to her place straight from work, she even had breakfast made up for when I arrived, had a shower and commenced with the backdoor tango

    10 minutes or so into it however, I noticed the condom was red, which was odd given that I wasn't using one. I'm not sure how to properly explain the site, imagine a sausage casing being stuffed, while the animal is still alive. So with a woman's anus, inside out and hanging a few inches from her rectum, I calmly freaked the fuck out and yanked out, which apparently caused more issues. Despite being stoned, she realized something was amiss, perhaps my screaming "what the fuck is wrong with your shitter" gave her a clue, but she starts screaming, I start screaming, she runs around the apartment, her anus following a short distance behind her. Neither of us having a vehicle, we had to wake her elderly neighbor up, and request a ride to emergency care.

    4 hours later she's passed out on whatever pills the doc stuffed her full off which thankfully shut her up, and I figured it was a good time to pull a vanishing act. So I ask you GR, what is your worst hospital visit?
     
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  2. UghRochester

    UghRochester https://www.twitch.tv/ughrochester

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    Worst hospital visit? I was 6 years old and my dumbass jumped off a slide in my school's playground during recess. I broke my leg. Had to wait 20 or so minutes, because my teachers didn't see me lying there in pain. After noticing, I waited again for the nurses to show up to see if anything was wrong. They called the ambulance, because they knew something wasn't right with my leg looking the way it was. So, I went to the hospital. They put a cast on, but didn't straighten my leg. until a few weeks later. They opened it with a saw of sort and just twisted it back in place. My mom was shocked, because this was unexpected and of course, it was quite painful. Breaking a bone sucks.

    However my best hospital visit was when I crashed my mountain bike into a pole. I dislocated my shoulder and they shot me up with delatin I believe. Everything slewed down and the voices got deeper. I started to laugh, because I related it to this. Anyways, I suddenly felt pressure being pulled on my armed. I scream, "F*CK!" So, they shot me up with more. Greatest day in the hospital, because I slapped a hot nurse's ass and blamed the drugs.

    Oh and this reminds me of Icepick http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc7_NEinAjI
     
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  3. Master_Craig

    Master_Craig Forum Moderator
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    Uh. Oh God, Icepick. That's... oh God that's horrifying.

    That's a terrifying story.

    I got nothin' to top that. That sounds like a story that would happen in some kind of twisted dark comedy, or something.

    I hate to ask, is your lady friend uh... better now?

    And Ugh, sounds like you've had your fair share of injuries! The last part though with the nurse? Epic.

    My worst hospital story isn't... well messed up like that :p, and it's not a funny story either, it was very, very tough emotionally. It was when two people close to me were both in palliative care at the same time. For those who don't know, palliative care is generally a location at the hospital were there's nothing more doctors and health staff can do for the patient, it's a place where patients go to pass away, basically. Comfortably though.

    Well, at the same time, my grandmother and one of my closest friends (who at the time was only twenty two, this was almost three years ago) were at palliative care, literally right across the hall from each other. For two weeks, everyday I would visit them. I'd visit my grandmother (who was in an induced coma) then I would go across the hall to visit my friend.

    One particular day, I remember it being a Friday, I was there by myself visiting my grandmother and long story short, she passed away in front of me. My friend then passed away three days later.

    Anyway. I've been a patient myself before at hospital. I've had surgery twice on my right knee, one to remove damage cartalidge and the other for ACL knee reconstruction. The latter operation was an overnight one, but my experience wasn't too bad. The food was crap though. I got my friends to bring me in "real" food.
     
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  4. intoTheRain

    intoTheRain Regular

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    you're supposed to use lube bro
     
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  5. De-Ting

    De-Ting Rookie

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    Anal sex. Not even once.

    And how does one's anus fall off, anyway?
     
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  6. cyberjim2000

    cyberjim2000 Veteran

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    Oh my god, Icepick, oh my god. Your stories are the best life lessons I could ever have. I salute you. I think you should tell her, "There's only 7 planets left because I destroyed Uranus." She'll warm back up to you for sure!

    I've never been to the hospital for anything.
     
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  7. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    Craig, no word from her, not that I'm trying to check in on her, I'm sure I'm going to get blasted for it, so I'll enjoy the calm before the storm, not sure if they're keeping her over night, or how long it takes to stuff a rectum back in

    Rain, there was large amounts of lube, but all the KY in the world wont make a tractor fit into the trunk of a Honda

    De-ting, it didn't fall off, it turned inside out... or something... I'm still pretty emotionally scarred from it, ever see tremors? Think of that covered in blood and feces
     
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  8. intoTheRain

    intoTheRain Regular

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    haha
     
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  9. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    so update, looks like she'll have 5 days off work, more if needed, so as far as I see it she owes me
     
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  10. Mod-Chip

    Mod-Chip Rookie

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    That's a funny story icepick. I hope she doesn't have HIV, for your sake.
     
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  11. madster111

    madster111 Rookie

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    Sounds awesome, man.

    This is why i plan my death to be fast. None of this dying slowly in the hospital crap while my friends and family have to wait around and watch. I wanna surf either into heaven or hell in a huge fireball playing an epic guitar solo.

    Sneaking some kebabs into the hospital sounds great, unless you're in there for your legs or back. Those toilets would feel like they're on the other side of a mountain.

    Icepick,
    Should totally take her gifts in the hospital. Food's always appreciated, so a nice bowl of chili would go down well.
     
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  12. Affen

    Affen Rookie

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    This story creates an uneasy feeling around my buttocks. I knew what to expect from the title, but couldn't resist peeking in.
     
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  13. Sourdeez

    Sourdeez Rookie

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    Bill Hicks - Put 'em in the movies!
    http://youtu.be/rmj4wlyPFYA

    Bill Hicks was my source of inspiration growing up.
     
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  14. GRColin

    GRColin Rookie

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    Icepick I was at a bar reading this story on my phone and I couldnt hold in the laughter. Thanks!

    So think you're staying away from brown town for a while or did that shit not scare you away from it?
     
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  15. Sourdeez

    Sourdeez Rookie

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    Good job taking her behymen Icepick.
     
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  16. Green_Lantern

    Green_Lantern Forum Moderator
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  17. MattAY

    MattAY Forum Moderator
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    Hahaha! An Icepick tale ends in shit once again.

    My hospital story is shit so I wont tell it. Just know I was 8, and I had my leg in a stirrup watching He-Man all weekend.
     
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  18. FrozenBacon

    FrozenBacon Veteran

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    Wait... did you use any lube?

    EDIT: After re-reading the topic I can see you did.

    Eh, I never been a fan of anal. The poop factory never interested me.
     
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  19. Icepick

    Icepick Rookie

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    I like it, it's tighter, warmer, and more degrading to women
     
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  20. MattAY

    MattAY Forum Moderator
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    Whilst shit is an issue for me, I think anal is in the back of every man's mind. Kind of a conquest...to see what it's like.
    You people who say you dont want to, would you want to if the girl asked you to? If she said, "please shag me in the bum, I've bleached and just want it royally pounded!" Would you still say no?
     
    #20

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