Airport Security

[danielrbischoff]

You make me take my shoes off, I'm going to take my fucking time putting them back on. I put all my valuables and shit in your stupid little tray, you don't move it when it comes out the other side of your radiation box.

Seriously, back off mother fucker! I'm not a problem, neither is the indian guy behind me. Why does your whole mood change just because a brown guy shows up?

 

[Sourdeez]

Because they are trained that way.

And because its not really about protecting you. Its about giving the appearance of protection while conditioning you for submission.

Its why even politicians that believe in the constitution like Ron Paul get detained at the TSA even though they know he is not a terrorist.

 

[MattAY]

How the hell did you not get the rubber glove, Daniel?!

When I went to Seattle, I experienced US airport security. It was full on compared to what were used to. We had an interview and everything, and had to go in that magic box where you can see us naked apparently. And because I was wearing a hoody, which revealed a black blob (what they look for so I hear) I had to have a big black dude feel me up...and not in a good way.

My worst experience was when I went to Australia. At the transfer flight in Hong Kong, I got stopped because they scanned my diabetic needles. And when I offered them my doctor's note, they decided to escort me round the back!! I was with my girlfriend at the time, and they questioned her. All whilst I was being watched closely by some big dude in a chair. After about 20 minutes of thinking I was actually going to experience some sort of Hong Kong jail...we were told, "you're good to go".

Assholes.

 

[Green_Lantern]

Never had an issue going through airport security.


Go Go Whitey!

 

[cyberjim2000]

Daniel, you have been randomly selected for additional screening. Glory to Arstotzka!

 

[Sourdeez]

Sorry for low quality.
http://youtu.be/tfka4UcSQzk

"Mind if I touch your balls sir? I'm going to need to check your asshole."


:Edit: Better quality.
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/4 ... -balls-sir

 

[Longo_2_guns]

Never had an issue going through airport security.


Go Go Whitey!

Pretty much this. It pays to be a happy looking white guy.

My dad always gets stopped, though. AAAAAAAAAAAAALWAYS.


And Dan, maybe you should shave your beard if they're giving you problems. You could be hiding a bomb in there!

 

[C_nate]

When my son was still a toddler, we flew to Virgina for a wedding. I almost never fly at all so I wasn't up on all the rules and regulations of the new TSA. They treated his formula like it was radioactive material. They had me step out of line and made me take the bottle out. I was going to hand it to them and they nearly freaked out. No, I also had to open the bottle and hold it while they tested it with some strip of paper to make sure it wasn't some toxic substance. Then they told me what a huge favor they were doing me letting me bring it on the place since they don't usually allow liquid over a certain oz. amount on the plane. Gee, thanks so much assholes.

There was also another time I had to fly to Florida for something work related. Back then I used to smoke these little cigars and after I checked my bag, I went out for a smoke. Little did i know I had broken some huge protocol of leaving the airport after I checked in and tried to reenter. So I almost missed my flight because they were going apeshit about it.

It's like their jobs are so mundane that any tiny variance out of the normal routine just excites the ever living hell out of them . It makes their day when they get to fuck with people.

 

[Green_Lantern]

There was also another time I had to fly to Florida for something work related. Back then I used to smoke these little cigars and after I checked my bag, I went out for a smoke. Little did i know I had broken some huge protocol of leaving the airport after I checked in and tried to reenter. So I almost missed my flight because they were going apeshit about it.

That's really not a big deal, you just have to go through security again.

 

[De-Ting]

Those machines decided they have a problem with my cargo shorts. I get a pat down almost every time.

 

[used44]

Airports and flying in general can be a pretty miserable experience, but I haven't had too much trouble with the TSA or security in particular. Except, I guess, for the customs security in Miami when re-entering the country. Their whole thing is being super aggressive so that you get flustered and say anything that differs from your paperwork. It's pretty rude.

 

[danielrbischoff]

conditioning you for submission

I thought they were doing that with all the shit they put in our cereal?

And Dan, maybe you should shave your beard if they're giving you problems. You could be hiding a bomb in there!

I got all cleaned up for this press junket! No room for a bomb in this beard.

Matt and C_nate's stories sound like the S in TSA stands for Sadists.

Their whole thing is being super aggressive so that you get flustered and say anything that differs from your paperwork.

I just withhold as much as possible, feign like I'm tired from the flight and mope my way through.

 

[used44]

Me: "We're coming back from Costa Rica. I was with my girlfriend's family." *points back*

Miami Customs: "ARE YOU STUDENTS?!"

Me: "What, no. Like, vacation."

MC: "ARE YOU A STUDY GROUP?"

Me: "What."

 

[Bretimus_v2]

Why does your whole mood change just because a brown guy shows up?

I know right? Where my brown peoples at?

 

[Eyebrowsbv31]

I got checked all four times I've been on a plane post 9/11. New York TSA unpacked all my stuff.


So go beardless whitey?

 

[Longo_2_guns]

And Dan, maybe you should shave your beard if they're giving you problems. You could be hiding a bomb in there!

I got all cleaned up for this press junket! No room for a bomb in this beard.

...Bullshit.

And I think I'm never checked because I travel so much, so I look at place in an airport. Plus, I look like a hippy.

 

[madster111]

American airport security is a fucking joke.

Australian here, who flew on September 13th 2002 in cali and sometime in march 2006.
From what i've heard, it's only gotten worse.
Which is a pretty special achievement, because all the times i flew in/out of the US, the security people were a bunch of absolute CUNTS.
This is despite the fact that every time i flew in/out of the US, i was a kid and was with my family. My white family with white sounding names who spoke better english than the majority of the airport staff.

It's insane the difference between Aus security and US security. Even our busiest airport, Sydney, has people that at least fucking smile and don't look at you like you're a fucking prey animal out for revenge. The security takes a good 1/3rd, sometimes even 1/4th of the time of the US airports, despite being almost as busy as Miami airport.

Every time i flew back from the US to Sydney, the sheer pleasure from being greeted with a smile, happy and fast security people. Even at 11pm after they've worked all day and ain't got no more smiles, they're fast and not complete assholes.

 

[Green_Lantern]

Seriously never had an issue coming back to the States after coming from Australia.

 

[GiftedMonkey]

Like Facebook layout changes, having to walk short distances across a parking lot, and Justin Beiber, airport security is one of those things that people just LOVE to complain about despite the fact that really isn't a big deal at all.

Get there an hour before your flight leaves, put your liquids together in a ziplock, don't have liquids over 3 oz. in your carry-ons, take off your shoes and belt while you're waiting in line for the metal detector. Worried about cancer from the x-ray machine? Request a pat down. Nobody is going to "touch your junk." Worried about your civil liberties being eroded? Fuckin' drive to your destination. Nobody is making you fly anywhere, ya big babies.

 

[madster111]

Worried about your civil liberties being eroded? Fuckin' drive to your destination. Nobody is making you fly anywhere, ya big babies.

Worried about your cell phone being monitored?
Just don't have one.

Worried about being shot in certain places?
Just don't wear red or blue.

Not like it's a big deal. You can just drive from Sydney to LA, right?
It's only a 2 week boat trip.